Page 41 of Choke

I shake my head, laughing under my breath.

Of course, she’s trying this route.

I ball my fists to keep from punching something. I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am. After everything, this is how she wants to play this?

“Colton. I spent 3 years being a fucking teddy bear for that girl.” I work to keep my voice low to avoid a scene. “Three years of fluffy fucking pillows and scented candles, and now—after I break things off—you think I’d suddenly hit her?”

He sighs, scrubbing his hand through his hair and shrugging.

“Man. I don’t know. I don’t know what to tell you. Her brother is out for blood. He thinks—” He doesn’t finish. He doesn’t have to. I already know.

I drop my head into my hands for the briefest second before sitting back up and looking directly at my friend.

“I’ve never hit a woman,” I say firmly.

We sit in a tense silence for a while. My hands fist so tightly that my knuckles turn white. I would never. I am very aware of my size. I’m tall and have spent the last 20 years at least 5 days a week in the gym. At nearly 240 lbs of muscle, I realize I am intimidating. After feedback as a teen, I started sitting down during arguments or tense conversations, specifically with women or the kids I helped coach. The night I ended things with Alice was the first time I stood over her, and while it was intense, I asked her repeatedly if she was okay with it.

Did I scare her?

Colton’s face softens — he has known me for years. He knows I wouldn’t do this.

“I’m sorry, man.” He sighs. “People are worried about you. I’m worried about you.”

I am not entirely sure how to explain to him that I’m fine. I’m exactly where I need and want to be. The changes I’ve made in the last couple of months were long overdue. I loved my job in Kingsport, but changes last year left a sour taste in my mouth, and this was the push I needed to start fresh in a well-respected department. Alice. Things with Alice should never have gotten to the point they did, but she was comfortable.

Lex coming back into my life rekindled a fire that I thought died long ago.

I let my body relax, unclenching my fists and relaxing my shoulders. I take a deep breath and urge my heart to return to a normal rhythm.

“Colton, there is nothing to be worried about. I don’t know what I can say to ease your concerns, but I’m asking you to trust that I am exactly where I need to be.” I say quietly. Calmly.

He nods and offers a small smile.

“Ok, man. — please promise me you won’t do anything crazy. You’ll call me if you feel things are getting out of control.”

His eyes are full of concern. I nod along. I know why he’s worried.

“Things were so dicey for a while there,” He continues.

I know where this is going, but I can’t revisit that time.

“I got it, man. I know. I promise. We’re not there,” I insist, needing him to stop.

Colton nods slowly, leaning back into his seat and studying my face. We sit in silence, sipping our coffee. He looks contemplative as if he’s trying to read whether I’m lying to him. I hold his gaze, keeping my face neutral and relaxed. A long exhale escapes him, and he rubs his hand down his face before sitting up straight.

“Alright, man,” he says finally, doubt still evident in his expression. “I’m trusting you on this.”

He shakes his head as if physically trying to brush it away, leaning forward with a sparkle in his eye. I recognize that look — my buddy is back.

“Can we talk about this chick now?” There is a lightness to his voice. Excitement.

The sudden shift makes me laugh. Colton has always been a bit of a hopeless romantic, in theory. He loves the idea of love but gets bored quickly and, therefore, has never had a relationship that lasts longer than a few months. They usually end in him finding someone else and getting caught.

“Nothing to talk about, man,” I say, trying to sound casual.

“Bullshit.” He huffs out, laughing.

I know I’m not getting out of this without giving him something, so I redact as much as necessary to keep him thinking my head is on straight.

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