Page 25 of Choke

83 million views in a day and a half. That’s more than viral, not something that blows over. Millions of people have seen me, analyzed me, judged me. They have a short video of what happened and deduced that it happened because of me.

And they’re right.

I wipe my clammy palms down my thighs.

She takes her phone and tucks it into the drawer. I prop my elbows on her desk and drop my head into my hands. My heart races, sweat forms in the palms of my hands.

This is such a mess.

“Lex, I’ve never even heard you mention going out to bars, let alone the busiest club in the city. How did you end up there with them?” She asks, her tone thick with concern.

Sighing, I sit up and reply, “I don’t know. My friend was teasing me about how I never go out, and it got into my head. My friend Rosie called and asked me to go out, and I felt like I was wasting my youth just sitting at home alone on a Saturday night, so I said yes.”

“Rosie — the blonde girl with big fake boobs?” She asks.

I sit up, looking at her with confusion.

“Yes, but also, how do you know this? She is my friend, and I didn’t know she had fake boobs.”

“Rosie is.. she is well known — in certain circles, anyway. It’s not important. It paints a clearer story of how you wound up there.”

I give her a look. Her tone is judgmental, to put it mildly.

Sure, Rosie took me there and got us in, but she wasn’t responsible for my actions.

“What do you mean by that?”

I know what she means, but I want to hear her say it.

She sighs, tapping her pencil against her desk. “Lex, I…she isn’t just a party girl. She has clients. People might assume you’re like her.”

My stomach drops. I knew—just barely—but hadn’t considered this. My cheeks burn.

“I’m not…like her.”

What a shift. I’d gone out wanting to be more like her. I try to swallow the growing anxiety.

“Then, perhaps don’t go viral for grinding on some guy next to her in a club.”

Ouch.

Her harsh words and tone gut me, and I force my tone to be flat, even.

“I’m very aware of what she does for a living. Plus, she’s in the video. Didn’t you notice her?”

Kendall shrugs, “Okay. I guess not. One of the temps showed me this and asked if it was you, and I didn’t pay attention to much else, to be honest.”

I slouch back into the chair, pinching my eyes. The throb behind them intensifies. I need my heart rate to slow down.

Feel the chair under me.

Feel my hair against my face.

“Do you have an aspirin, Advil? Anything? My head is throbbing.”

She reaches into her desk, pulls out a bottle, and opens it. Handing me a pill, I pop it in my mouth without opening my eyes.

“I don’t know how this happened.” I finally say, although it wasn’t entirely true—his initial reaction was aggressive at best. He shoved me back into my seat.

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