Page 103 of Suddenly Entwined

“As a big brother, do I have to do that thing where I threaten Berg if he hurts you?”

“Uh…that’s optional?”

“Thank fuck,” he says as I break the hug and stand up again. “Because I don’t think I could take him in a fight.”

I return to my spot next to Berg as he laughs, a rumbly vibrato that makes me want to press my ear to his chest.

All three of us turn our heads at the sound of the front door. Anna bobs up the stairs a minute later.

“I’m sorry I’m late! I’m here! Sharon, can I help?”

She freezes on the landing, eyes darting between my brother on one side of the room and Berg and I on the other.

“Oh, are you telling him?” she asks, before clasping her hand over her mouth.

Chris groans, shaking his head as a slow smile spreads across his face.

Throughout dinner, I can't get Berg’s words out of my head. ‘It’s serious.’

I smile between bites, and probably during them, too. Nobody said anything about it being rude to smile with food in your mouth. When Berg isn’t cutting Louisa’s steak into tiny bites or reminding Natalie not to use her jeans as a napkin, he places his hand on my thigh and it makes me feel loved and cared for, like he’s always thinking of me. The table is full of all the people I love. The way my mom is doting on the little girls, I know she’s probably desperate for the grandchild era of her life to begin. I’ve not thought that seriously about whether I feel the urge to have biological children. It’s something for me to reflect on and maybe discuss with Berg, but at the moment I’m content.

After supper, Berg and Anna walk the girls to the playground around the corner, and I suggest to my parents and Chris that we light the fire pit in the backyard. My palms are sweating as I try to scrape up the courage, to be honest.

“I have something to tell you,” I blurt.

Here we go.

My mom presses her hand over her heart.

“Are you pregnant?” she whispers, without a trace of disappointment lacing her voice.

“No! Mom!”

Dad rubs his temples and there’s a vein sticking out of my brother’s forehead as they process mom’s assumption.

“I’m just asking!”

“Okay, well, it’s not that.”

All three of them are staring at me expectantly, so I suck in a deep breath.

“I made a really dumb decision when I was abroad. I…um, loaned money to somebody that I probably shouldn’t have loaned money to. And I haven’t gotten it back.”

God, this is hard.

“Actually,” I add. “I’m not going to get it back. It’s gone.”

It took me so many months to accept this truth, but I recognize that they are hearing it for the first time. Dad’s cheeks are pale and I feel god awful for worrying him.

Chris leans over from his lawn chair and nudges my knee. “That’s why you needed money?”

I nod.

Mom’s head bounces between my brother and I. “What are you two talking about? When did Carolina need money?”

Chris bows his head. “You could have told me, Caro.”

“Told you what?” Mom sighs, resting her chin in her palm.

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