Page 102 of Dead End

Phaedra tried one more time but to no avail. I drove Otto home and continued to the Castle, trying to curb my feelings of disappointment. On the way to the farm, I’d started to believe we could actually win. I’d let myself get too excited, and now I was paying the price.

As I passed through the open gate, I scanned the horizon for any sign of returning crows. I’d sent a handful of urgent messages. Surely at least one of them had responded by now.

I entered the house to find Kane alone in the kitchen. “Are you washing dishes?”

He twisted to look at me. “They didn’t all fit in the dishwasher.”

“You’re a keeper. Has anyone ever told you that?” I kissed his cheek. “Where’s Claude?”

“I think he went upstairs with Goran. Goran said something about needing help holding the book he’s reading.”

“Ah, Brandon Sanderson.” I gazed outside, hoping to see dark wings on the horizon.

Kane peered at me. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re upset.”

I brushed off his comment. “I’m not upset. It’s just that I sent SOS messages earlier and nobody’s responded.”

“It’s understandable that you’d be upset.”

“I told you I’m not.”

The demon dried his hands on a towel and turned to face me. “You’re upset because you’ve spent your entire adult lifedoing everything on your own, without the option of support. You finally lowered those stone walls of yours, let in a few friends, expanded your world. You stepped outside your comfort zone to assist others. Now the chips are down, and those you’ve helped won’t return the favor. You’re telling yourself that it means something about you. Perhaps that you’re not good enough. Or that you don’t deserve it.”

Against my will, tears pricked my eyes. “Kane.” My voice came out lower than expected. Raw.

“Why not drag these feelings into the light and examine them fully? Only then can you accept what is instead of what you imagine reality to be.”

“We can do this on our own,” I said, still more throat than voice.

“It appears we have no choice in the matter.”

I balled my hands into fists as another bout of disappointment rocked me. I needed to strategize, not focus on my feelings.

“Admit you’re disappointed.” With tender fingers, he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Get it out of your system. Trust me, you’ll feel better.”

“I have no right to expect…”

“You have every right to your feelings, Lorelei. Now let them out of their cage or they’ll turn up at a most inopportune time.” He allowed himself a tiny smile. “Ask me how I know.”

Heat flooded my cheeks as memories broke through the surface. Kane and I had lost the battle of wills with each other more than once before our inevitable courtship.

“I feel disappointed,” I admitted. “I’d hoped for more support.” I paused. “I don’t feel any better.”

“Not yet, but you will. Why do you feel disappointed?”

“Because I want others to care about the fate of Fairhaven as much as I do.”

“And why else?” he pressed.

“Does there need to be more?”

“No, but there is more. It’s right there on the tip of your tongue. Say the words.”

“I want them to show up to prove they care about me.” The words tumbled out in a rush.

---