Page 40 of Of Sins and Sacrifice

I’m yet again reminded of the human condition—of those beings that constantly pray to a higher being but never receive an answer in return.

I am that being now.

Here, on my knees, begging. And there is no one out there to hear my plea.

If only I were stronger. If I had my ninth gate open like my brother, he would not have been able to inhibitallmy powers. Given his rank, his orders have precedence over my wants, regardless of whether we’d have equal spiritual energy or not. But at least I wouldn’t have been this helpless…this powerless.

Then the House of Moirai would have found another way to give you a fitting punishment, my inner voice reminds me.

The truth is that no matter how I look at it, I did break the rules. I did something wrong and Ideserveto be punished. I just never expected I would feel so bereft without my powers.

I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping that when I open them again, everything will be back to normal. That I will be able to see through the darkness again. That I will be able to find my path again.

But it’s in vain.

I am utterly powerless.

Moments on end pass, and I’m forced to admit to myself that this is my reality now. For the next one hundred and five days, I am no better than those puny humans.

I am just as helpless as they are.

The chilly wind stings across my cheeks. I cannot remain out here.

I carefully make my way back to the warehouse. Inside, it’s not much warmer, but at least I’m no longer shivering so badly that my teeth are clattering in my mouth.

There is a latch at the door, and I pull it to ensure that no one can come inside. With how vulnerable I am…

Think, Minerva. Think.

Admittedly, the only recourse I have is to wait for the sun to rise. Then I can make my way back to my lodgings. But what after?

I have little money left from my last allowance. It might last me until the end of the week but not for another one hundred days. And without money, I will not be able to survive in this world.

Didn’t Kai realize that?

Or he did. And he thought I would do the sensible thing and go home.

Go home more of a failure than I left.

No. I cannot do that.

It might be harder to get my footing in this world with no support, but at least I will have my freedom. The moment I go home, I am forfeiting my independence. My parents might even go as far as to rush the wedding to ensure I don’t escape.

If my brother truly expected me to give up and go home, then he will be in for a surprise. I willnotreturn.

With that thought in mind, I let myself fall asleep.

The next morning, though my body aches from sleeping on the ground of the warehouse, I start out toward my lodgings with renewed optimism.

Yet that quickly fades when I realize how much I have to walk to get home. Several times, I have to ask for directions. Luckily, I know the address of the place, not just the coordinates where to teleport.

Still, I have no money on me to pay for a cab, and that means I must walk for close to six human miles.

By the time I reach my apartment building, I am sweaty, out of breath, and in a foul mood. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that in just a few steps, I will get to my cozy bed and my stash of cookies. That sounds like the best reward in the world for the effort I had to make.

Disheveled, dirty, and probably looking a fright, I force myself up the stairs of the apartment building.

Why did I have to rent the room on the third floor? Why couldn’t I have chosen the ground level one?

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