Page 33 of Break The Ice

“My whole life, I’d been trying to get this man to love me, and it wasn’t until I brought Raider home I discovered he never would. Still, I can’t abandon him, though I’ve tried a million times.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Kit’s family is wonderful. They love him to death and back. They accept all of him. Wren has three dads and two mums. He’s got five younger sisters who call him up and want him to escort them to the shops. He’s so protective of them.”

Callan stops to take a breath.

“Raider’s mum is lovely. She loves her kids so much. Charles Raines is friendly and charming. Sol is thoughtful, and Wayne is funny.”

“Callan, what are you doing?”

Callan sits forward and takes my hand. “I love numbers. They make sense. And I like patterns and connections. It excites me. I’ve never been into sports, I’m too uncoordinated. I can’t even dance. But I take care of this pack. Even if we are a little bit messed up.”

I close my eyes. His lips brush mine, and I can’t help but tilt my head up, offering myself to him.

“Ryann, Wren likes to paint,” he whispers urgently. “Kit loves murder mysteries. He always wants to see if he can guess who it is before the end of the story, and he will talk through everything you want to watch. Raider is a massive space nerd. He loves all the facts and has about a gazillion and one posters and books. Sometimes, we go for drives just so he can see the stars.”

“What are you doing, Callan?” I repeat desperately.

“I’m breaking down that bloody wall you have been keeping up. You don’t want to tell us anything? You want to keep us at a distance? But I don’t want that.”

“You just said-”

“I didn’t mean it. Get involved. Be involved.”

I stand up, pulling away with difficulty. Each step backwards is harder than the one before.

“You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“So, tell me something, anything.”

I shake my head. That way lies certain pain.

“Ryann-”

“I can’t!”

I rush out of the lounge, heading to the backyard, but I pause before I reach the door. I’m scared to go outside. Oh, help me please, but I’m far too scared. I don’t want to. I can’t turn the knob.

“What are you so afraid of, Ryann?”

I turn and look up at Callan. I can’t give him all the truth, but maybe I can give him something. Maybe that will tide him over for a while.

“Do you have a phone I can borrow?”

He nods and holds a hand out, gesturing for me to go ahead of him back into the house.

We sit on the lounge, and I rapidly type the information into the search bar. I find the old article and pass it to him.

“Read it out loud,” I say, glancing around. Wren and Kit are here, looking puzzled, and Raider is sitting on the stairs.

Callan looks at me in confusion but obediently clears his throat. “A man and woman have been found dead in a house fire, which the police are saying was just a simple case of human error. The blaze was reported by the couple’s teenage daughter who wasn’t at home, but arrived to find the house lit. Police are saying the fire isn’t suspicious and have praised the quickness of emergency services and neighbours. The couple, Dave and Shirly Smith, are survived by their only daughter.”

Callan’s voice stops. The air is thick and unpleasant while I wait for his reaction.

“Is-” he cuts off and clears his throat. “Are you that girl?”

I nod. I don’t feel the pain that I used to when I spoke about them. Maybe the pain is going, maybe the memory is getting easier to hold.

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