Page 61 of Emerald

“Wow, and I thought all you did was grunt,” she says, teasing me.

“Don’t get used to it, grunting is my normal setting.” I smile at her.

“And now he smiles, maybe I need to get drunk more often.”

“Please don’t.”

22

ELENA

I’ve been drunk before but never enough to let my hair down. It felt good, freeing, and then the music kicked in, and Jose dared me to get on the bar, and the next thing I knew, I was losing myself to it all. Usually, I’ve had to dance like that to get the attention of someone, but this time it was for me, the way I touched myself was for me, when I flipped my hair, for me. Until Nash pulled me down from the bar and told me we were going home. That was embarrassing. He was right, though, it was probably for the best, I was enjoying myself a little too much. Then somewhere along the line, the high turned into sadness, and I’m telling this man my deepest, darkest thoughts. Thoughts that I was too afraid to voice to myself. I didn’t mean to tell him about my plan to end my life once I had saved all the people that I loved but it tumbled out of my mouth. It’s something that I’ve been thinking about more, I don’t see any way out of the situation I’m in. The CIA is never going to give me up. I don’t want to live this life anymore, my body being used as a weapon to annihilate their enemies. The only way I can be free is through death. I’m never going to live happily ever after, so what is the point? The world is better off without me. The look of pity andsympathy on Nash’s face when he heard those words, he sees me now as someone weak, not the strong formidable force I was moments before those words slipped out.

Before I knew it, I was walking toward the pool, stripping off, and jumping in, wishing the entire thing would swallow me whole, except the insufferable man decided to save me. Annoying asshole. Most men I’ve been around would have happily let me drown myself or would happily have drowned me, but Nash didn’t. He put all our bullshit aside to save me or thought he was saving me. Thankfully, he didn’t look at me with pity anymore, it was a mixture of concern and heat, especially when he noticed how see-through my bra was. I wanted more of that heat, stupidly, I thought I could seduce him. Look, I know he finds me attractive, most men do, but what I wasn’t expecting was him being a gentleman to me, even after I took off my underwear. He looked for a fraction of a second, hopefully remembering what I looked like the night before. I felt his need to my core, but he didn’t act on it, he did the opposite and hugged me. Don’t think anyone’s hugged me other than Mackenzie. It felt nice. Warm, cozy, safe, something I rarely ever feel in my life. Then the funniest thing happened, Nash cracked a joke. He laughed this deep belly laugh and then smiled at me. That was weird. He sure is handsome when he smiles with the tiny crinkles at the corners of his eyes, and the dimples that I didn’t know he had hidden under that five o’clock shadow. The plump, luscious lips that I wonder what they would feel like pressed against my own.

“You’re shivering,” Nash says, pulling me from my thoughts as he scoops up my naked body from the pool, carrying me out of it. I cling to his hard body, embarrassed by my nakedness which is a first. He walks me not toward my bedroom but toward his. He kicks open the door to his large ensuite, then stalks toward the oversized shower, and plays with the knobs for a momentbefore depositing me underneath the warm spray. “Get warm, I’ll be out here when you finish,” he states, his eyes not dipping once to check out my naked body.

My hand shoots out. “Stay, please.” I hate the desperation in my voice.

“You want me to stay?” he questions me, confused.

I nod as I step away from the entrance to the shower, indicating for him to come in, and he frowns at my movement. “No funny business I promise. I just … I feel weird and I don’t when you’re around,” I confess.

I watch as he swallows for a couple of beats while contemplating my request. He then steps into the shower but leaves his underwear on. “Turn around, let me wash you.” I suck in an unsteady breath and do as I am told. Nash grabs his shower gel, lathers up his hands, and then scrubs me clean, starting at my shoulders before moving down my back. Stopping at the dip of my ass, he moves to my hips and then down my legs, slowly, methodically. “You think you can do your front?” he asks gruffly. I shake my head because I like the feeling of his calloused hands on my body, and I’m curious to see what he will do. So, I turn around and show him my naked body. He sucks in a breath, but I can see the determination behind his eyes.

“Ellie …” he says my name, and I can tell he really is holding on by a thread, so of course, I want to snap it.

“Please,” I answer breathlessly. My eyes run over his hard body, taking in the scars that mar his sun-kissed skin and the bullet wound scar on his ribs. I take in every ripple of muscle until I get to the large tenting in his underwear before bringing my eyes back up to his. He gives a shake of his head, and I watch as Nash closes his eyes for the briefest of moments as if preparing himself for what he’s about to do. When he opens them again, heat swirls behind them as he reaches for more shower gel and starts lathering up his hands.

“Would you like me to wash you too?” I ask.

“Sure,” he grunts as I reach out, grab the shower gel, and lather up my own hands. We both then start touching each other. My hands run along his tense shoulders, he’s so tight that I let my fingers dig into the knots and start massaging them. A grunty moan falls from his lips as my fingers work over his knots, all the while, his hands are sliding over my collarbone and then down my arms. “You can touch me,” I tell him.

“You’re testing my restraint, Ellie. If my hands touch your fucking tits I don’t know if I can stop.”

“Then don’t.”

I know I’m pushing him, but I’ve never been one for foreplay. Even with Dimitri, we were there for one thing and one thing only. This is torture.

Nash shakes his head. “Fuck, I want to but …” he curses, and I can see where lust and doing the right thing are waring inside him. Grabbing his hands, I place them on me and watch as he bites his lip as I force him to lather up my tits. “Ellie.” He moans deeply, sending vibrations through my body, lighting it on fire. I reach down and slide my hand along his cock.

“One night, I need one night to forget everything.”

Nash’s eyes collide with mine and the war is evident behind them until he does the unexpected and steps away from me. “I can’t.” With that, he walks out of the shower, leaving me there confused and horny.

23

NASH

“Fuck,” I curse under my breath as I grab my towel and storm out of my bathroom. What the hell was I thinking?You were thinking with your fucking dick.I close my eyes and try to erase the images of Ellie’s perfect naked body. The way my hands molded to her breasts and her tiny mews of pleading were nearly my undoing. I’ve never had good self-control when it comes to women and that usually gets me into trouble. As much as I wanted to push her up against my shower and fuck her until she couldn’t stand, I don’t know if that is a good idea. The lines between us shouldn’t be blurred. When they do, they jeopardize the mission, it’s happened in the past. The bullet wound on my ribs throbs as a reminder of what happens when you lose focus on a mission because of a woman. I angrily grab a pair of pajama pants from my drawer and pull them on, discarding my wet underwear into the laundry basket. Movement from the doorway catches my attention, Ellie is standing there with a towel wrapped around her. Those green eyes refuse to look at me. I hurt her with my rejection.

“Here,” I say, handing her one of my shirts. She grabs it from me before slamming the bathroom door in my face. Her anger Ican deal with, her vulnerability is my undoing. Then, moments later, she steps out and glares at me before walking over to the right-hand side of my bed and getting in. I’m stunned, I thought my rejection in the shower would have her running back to her room, then I still, remembering the reason she is in my bed is not to ride my fucking dick but because of her nightmares. I follow suit and click off the light, plunging the room into semi-darkness, the only light filtering into the room is from the moon. I don’t like being in complete darkness, I need to be able to see the night sky. I get in and punch my pillow a couple of times in frustration. Ellie has her back to me as I settle in beside her.

“Can we talk?” I ask.

“No,” she comes back immediately, shutting me out.

“Fine, you’re going to have to listen to me talk then,” I tell her. She huffs unhappily, and I can imagine her rolling her eyes at me and plotting my death.

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