BEFORE
ONE
CARRIE
The bride letout an ear-splitting shriek mere moments before wrapping me in a viselike hug. “Carrie!” my cousin and best friend Hailey exclaimed, breathless. “You’re saying you finally did it?”
I pulled away and arched a brow. “Hold on a minute. You’re making it sound like you’ve been waiting for me to break up with Derek for ages.”
“Longer than ages. Eons. An eternity.” She squeezed my arms, her fresh manicure digging into my triceps. “I’ve been waiting for you to drop that jerk from your life since that night in undergrad when he told you your sequined handkerchief top was trashy.”
I held back my wince at the memory. The shame that had burned through me that night was still the beginning of a campaign to chip away at my self-esteem. Derek’s words—those and many more like them—were etched on my psyche, and ithad happened so long ago. I never did wear that top again. That had only been the beginning of Derek’s snide, razor-sharp comments. I concealed the remnants of humiliation behind a grin. “That was six years ago.”
My cousin nodded. “Exactly.” She wore a satiny white dressing gown, and her hair was sectioned and wrapped around Velcro rollers. A makeup artist laid out her tools in the corner of the room, but Hailey paid her no mind. My cousin’s liquid brown eyes were on me as she said, “Please don’t go back to him, Carrie. Please. I’m begging you.”
“Isn’t today supposed to be about love and commitment?” I tried to shrug her hands away and gave her a sardonic smile. “You’re getting married in just a few hours and you’re telling me to stay single.”
She lifted her index finger and pointed it at me, her beautiful fresh nails ready to be photographed alongside the new wedding band that would soon join her engagement ring. “Don’t do that. We’re not deflecting right now.”
“Fine. But can we please talk about something else?”
“Sure. Just as soon as you promise that Derek will never again stink up your life with his foul, dirty socks.”
I bit my lip to hide my smile, and Hailey’s sparkling eyes told me she knew she’d won the argument. “I hated finding his socks everywhere,” I admitted.
“I hated that you gave up and started picking up after him instead of laying down the law like you usually do.”
“He broke my spirit,” I said, meaning for it to sound like a joke. It came out slightly wobbly, though, and Hailey saw right through me.
“Never again,” she intoned.
“Never again,” I echoed.
Then my cousin smiled at me, squeezed me in another bone-crushing hug, and turned to the other bridesmaids in the room to announce, “We need more champagne!”
I was swept up into the chatter, laughter, and chaos of wedding preparations. The maid of honor was Hailey’s sister and my elder cousin, Julie. She made sure my glass was topped up with bubbles as the hairstylist tackled my mane of thick brown hair.
“I’m happy for you,” Julie told me for the millionth time.
I laughed. “Didanyonelike Derek?”
Julie gave me a flat look, which made me laugh harder. The lightness that had filled me as I drove away from Derek’s and my shared apartment in Philadelphia, my old car bursting with all my worldly possessions, swept through me again. Never again would I have to listen to Derek judge my outfits, or my hair, or the way I cut my steak. Never again would I have to pretend to enjoy bitter, overly hoppy IPAs when all I wanted was a sweet, fruity cocktail with an umbrella and a maraschino cherry in it. Never again would I have to cancel plans with girlfriends because Derek moped about being left alone at home.
The anchor chain around my waist was gone.
I could finally pursue my career. I could move to New York City, just like I’d dreamed since my freshman year of undergrad. I could havesexagain! Real, hot sex with a man who listened to my needs—assuming I could find one. Did men like that exist anywhere outside of the romance novels I’d hidden from Derek’s prying eyes? I met my own gaze in the mirror asthe hairstylist smoothed my hair into a bouncy blowout. In my new reality, men like that existed, and I would find one. Eventually. When I was ready.
Because I wasfree. I could doanything.
“I really wasted all those years of my life with him, didn’t I?”
“They won’t be wasted if you learned from them,” Julie said, a moment before being called away to use her extra-dexterous fingers to help with the thousand buttons marching up the back of Hailey’s dress.
I smiled at the stylist in the mirror as she sprayed my hair into submission. Bubbles of champagne burst on my tongue as I sipped my drink. My shoulders relaxed, and I let a smile curl my lips.
Freedom tastedgood, and the champagne wasn’t bad either.
“All done!” the stylist told me, using her fingers to position the front pieces of my hair just so. She squeezed my shoulders and moved on to the next bridesmaid, and I set my glass down while one of the makeup artists approached. Hailey’s bridesmaids chattered and laughed. The door opened and closed, and I heard my aunt Jackie’s scratchy voice behind me just a moment before she appeared in the mirror.