Page 41 of Where the Stars Heal

I must seem crazy. Here I am, walking back home in his best friend’s shirt, with his best friend, and running into his arms emotionally overwhelmed. That connection we had when I was little has long disappeared, so there’s no telling him what’s going on inside my head with just a look now.

“I… ah, read your letter again,” I quietly say.

Hunter begins to pull away, but I don’t let go, needingthis moment to last longer. It feels like we’ve been pulled back in time to those days where a hug from my big brother could fix anything. He catches on without hesitation and moves me so I’m tucked under his shoulder as he drags us over to the swing chair.

Settling in, he sighs. It’s one of those sighs where the weight of all your secrets stops holding you down, a sigh that tells me that this moment will change everything for better or worse.

Hunter pushes back on his heel, moving us back and forth, and I pick at the hem of Asher’s shirt as I lean into him.

“So,” he hesitantly starts.

I glance up at him, my foot beginning to tap as the anxiety I keep locked down starts to creep through me. I push against the fear, the doubt, and after all these years, I ask him the one question that’s plagued my mind.

“Why did you leave me, Hunt?” I ask before he can say anything else.

Silence falls over us as he takes a moment to gather his thoughts. The tapping of my foot grows faster, and my mind starts reeling. What is it that he can’t tell me? Pulling my legs up to tuck underneath me, I take in a deep breath, calming my nerves. My gaze roams around the front porch, and I notice how empty it looks. The shoes that are usually piled up are gone, and the towels that hang around are missing. Come to think of it, I can’t recall the last time Hunter had a full house of people. My nose scrunches, and my stomach sinks. Has he made everyone stay away because of me?

Hunter pulls his arm back and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He tilts his head slightly in my direction,but his eyes are distant like he’s taken himself back to that time.

“You have to know—I didn’t want to leave you.” His voice catches, and he takes in a deep breath.

I give him a small smile, encouraging him to keep going.

“I tried to protect you as much as I could, you know.” The corner of his mouth tugs up in a sad smile as he turns, staring out toward the street, lost in the past. “Your relationship with Mom is different from mine. She didn’t want to expose you to the life we were truly living, and against all our odds, I agreed with her. When she was home, she put the last of her energy into making you feel safe, and when she was gone, I stepped in. I took you to the parks, to the arcade, on the adventures you would create in your little mind. But I couldn’t always be there for you with school.” He pauses, a crease forming between his brows. “As you got older, I could see it in your eyes—the way his words got to you. How they crawled through your little mind, digging deeper as the years went on.”

My heart thrashes inside my chest, and my legs fly out from under me as I go to stand, but Hunter’s hand shoots out, landing firmly on my knee to stop me. What the hell does he mean they didn’t want to expose me to the life we were living? I can’t breathe.

“Let me finish, please, Halle,” he insists, pleading with me.

My jaw clenches, and I nod for him to go on.

“I left because I had to.” His shoulders tense, and the muscle in his jaw ticks. “If I stayed, I would have snapped, and I couldn’t do that to you. Things for me were different. It wasn’t just his words that hurt.”

I suck in a sharp breath. What… what is Hunter trying to tell me here? My mind races back in time, but my memories are only of the fun times with Hunter, the adventures we would go on, the way he would sneak me out when… when things would get scary.

Reaching out, I grab his arm. “Hunter, did he…?” My words die in my throat as a sick, worrying feeling slams into my chest.

“It’s okay, I’m okay.” The reassurance in his voice doesn’t do anything to calm the worry, though.

“One day, I’ll tell you everything. But it’s… it’s hard to go back there. I left, Halle, because I made a deal with Mom. I was meant to build a life for us, to get out and come back for you. That was the end game. She was supposed to look after you, protect you until I was set up.” He stands, walking over to the railing, and leans against it. “But then she fucking left and I couldn’t get to you. Ray stopped every phone call, every letter, knowing that I couldn’t ever step back in that town because of my own messed up reasons.” His voice hardens, anger radiates off him as he rakes his hands through his hair, gripping it tightly.

I flinch at the sudden change in his mood and the tone in his voice. The anger throws me back in time, and my body goes rigid.

Noticing my reaction, Hunter’s eyes soften, and he drops down in front of me, gently placing his hand on my knee.

“I’m sorry, lil sis, it’s just been so damn hard. I’ve been so worried about you, and to have you show up here after all this time…” He trails off, shaking his head.

“I promise you, I was always meant to come back for you but shit just happened. Mom stopped staying in touch, everything went to hell, and I couldn’t do it anymore. I failed you, I failed at being the big brother you needed. I’m so sorry, Halle.”

My heart tightens at his words, and the sadness thatswims in his eyes is like a punch to the gut. He never left me, did he? All this time, I thought he abandoned me, that he didn’t want to be my big brother anymore, but that’s not true at all. How could he have known how hard and lonely my life had become after he left? After Mom had checked out and abandoned me, too?

A weight lifts from my shoulders, and tears prick at the corner of my eyes. As I look at him, he sees it—the moment I let go of all the hurt and resentment. A tear tracks down my cheek, leaving my skin feeling cold as another follows in its place.

Hunter stands and pulls me into his chest. Wrapping my arms around him, I allow the ten-year-old little girl in me to cling to her big brother.

“Halle,” he murmurs, his voice tight with worry, “I have to know… the years after Mom left, he didn’t… he didn’t do anything to you, did he?”

“No,” I rush out to ease his tension. “No, I kept myself locked away in my room, at school or work. I was just his slave, his bank account, and his punching bag for his cruel words,” I confess.

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