Page 9 of Where the Stars Heal

God, he’s infuriating. I stare at Asher as he storms off, wondering why he’s so hell-bent on trying to get rid of me. I haven’t done anything to him, and yet every time I’ve run into him, he’s angry at me. He’s rude and unfriendly, but the way he looks at me is also unsettling. It’s like he can see through the mask I put on. He seesme, and the few encounters I’ve had with him have left me frazzled.

I’ve been here for days now and have been held up in my room. My anxiety has been worse, and the overwhelming sadness and exhaustion hit me harder. I sleep, I come out when I need to, and I sketch. Hunter works at night, which has us crossing paths but only briefly, and the few times he’s checked in on me, I’ve told him I’m fine. He asks if I’m ready for some shifts at the bar, and I say no every time.

The truth is, I’m not ready, and I’m not sure when I will be, but I tell him I will be soon. I’m pretty sure he sees right through my bullshit, but our relationship isn’t what it used to be when we were kids. He’s not the brother I go to anymore. I have no one. It’s just me, and I’m holding on by a thread. The days bleed into the night, and deep down, Iknow it’s time to get it together. I can’t keep going like this. I can’t keep living with this hollow feeling.

Knowing everyone was going to be here for breakfast this morning had me feeling anxious, so I got up early and went down to the creek to escape. The place grounds me. It’s peaceful down there; the air is clear, and the rushing sound of the water fills me with ease. When the sun peeks through the trees, it’s hot, and I wonder what it would be like to swim in the water. My mind feels so clear when I’m there. It’s like taking the pills but without the foggy side effects or wanting to sleep. So, I took my sketch pad down to help calm the chaotic feelings inside me. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Art has always been an escape for me. I love drawing, painting, crafting, anything where I can express myself. If it weren’t for all my sketch pads as a kid when I locked myself in my room, too scared to come out and be told off, I would have gone crazy.

I thought heading down to the creek earlier in the morning would help me avoid people. I had no idea that there was another trail on the other side or that Mr. Angry would storm through and leave me feeling riddled with doubt. He thinks he knows me, but his assumptions couldn’t be further from the truth.

“You don’t fucking belong here.”

Those words play on repeat.

I stormed off, but not before catching his name. Asher.

I came back here and ran to my room. I fought against the noise in my head for as long as I could, but the trembling started in my hands, my breaths got shorter, and I paced back and forth until I couldn’t take it anymore. I just gave in. I couldn’t hold on.

“You don’t fucking belong here.”They whisper in the back of my mind.

I found the pills, and I threw one back, just needing to take the edge off, that’s all. Of course, I would open my door to Asher snooping in on me again. He’s everywhere, and when he pulled me back into him, I couldn’t escape the electricity that traveled up my arm. He was so close. His hold on me was dominating and possessive, but not in an aggressive way. It was something I’d never felt with anyone before, and a tremor ran down my spine with that acknowledgment.

His eyes held mine, and they reminded me of all the trees around, vividly green with flecks of gold. They were mesmerizing, and he smelled earthy and musky, with hints of cedarwood and mint that made me feel warm and wrapped in strength. Could he feel the tension the same way I could? Ugh, why does he have to be such an asshole to me?

Splashing water on my face in the bathroom, I look at myself in the mirror and shake the thoughts of Asher from my mind. Feeling calmer now, I go and have breakfast with my brother and his friends.

We’re sitting around the table after eating. Madison, Hunter, and Asher were talking about the bar, but they lost me mid-conversation, and I zoned out. Every now and then, the hairs on my arm rise, and I feel eyes on me. I know it’s him; it’s the same intense feeling that comes with every encounter with him.

Ace is curled up in my lap, and Connor is sitting next to me, looking from me to his dog and back, his expression a little amazed. It’s kind of uncomfortable and makes things awkward. Ace draws my attention to him when he starts snoring. I pat his head, and a small smile crosses my face.Dogs have always had this magical feeling to them. You can just be. They don’t judge, they just love.

I feel Connor lean over, expression still of awe. “He doesn’t always trust new people easily. You must be something special, Halle, if Ace is curled up on you like this.” His tone is soft, only for me to hear, and I peek up at him quickly before gazing back down at Ace, scratching behind his ear.

“I get it, lil man, I don’t trust easily, either.” I look back at Connor hesitantly and find a reassuring smile on his face, so I continue quietly, “Life can be kind of hard. I’m just here to sort through it and hopefully find my fresh start. I could use a friend like Ace.”

Worrying I’ve overstepped, heat rises up my neck, and I go to push my chair back to excuse myself, but before I can make a move, Connor rests his hand on my shoulder. Leaning in, he looks at me thoughtfully.

“Halle, you have a friend in Ace, and we all deserve those fresh starts we crave. Let us in, and we’ll be there for you, too.” He taps my shoulder and winks at me. “If Ace is your friend, then I’m your friend.”

Standing, Connor starts grabbing our plates, and before walking off, he adds, “It’s your choice, you know.”

Ace jumps down to follow him, and I look over to see Asher staring at me. His eyes narrow slightly. There’s a storm in his gaze, a flicker of darkness flashing through them that makes me shift in my seat. Did he hear that whole conversation? I grab my coffee and take a sip, looking at him over the mug. His biceps flex, his brows furrow, and I see the slight shake of his head before he turns his attention back to Hunter.

Things started feeling a little weird after breakfast as more people started floating in through the house, and Iwasn’t sure what to do, so I retreated to my room. Music is pumping through the walls, and I can hear the shouts and laughter of everyone from outside.

I fall back onto my bed, hugging my sketch pad close to my chest. My eyes start to well as I stare at the ceiling. I feel so alone, so empty. I imagine that my mom is still here, and at any moment, she could walk through my bedroom door. She would give me those understanding eyes, pull me into a deep hug, and tell me it was going to be alright. Covering my eyes with my hands, I try to keep the tears away. She’s not here anymore, and I won’t ever get that feeling back.

Fuck, why is life so unfair?

A soft knock at my door pulls me from my thoughts, and I sit up quickly as Madison comes through the door. She looks hesitant at first, but an understanding look crosses her face when she sees me. I put on the mask I’m so used to wearing and shake off the dull feelings I had moments before.

“Hey, Madison, what’s up?”

She sits down next to me on my bed and looks at the sketch pad in my hands. “Do you draw?”

I’m not overly confident in my drawing, and I get nervous when anyone asks me about it. “Ugh, I guess so. I wouldn’t say I’m any good at it, but I love it.”

Not understanding why she’s here and hoping it’s not to pull me out to the backyard to meet more of their friends, I start to fidget. I’m beginning to really like Madison, but I have no idea if she likes me or if she’s just being friendly because of Hunter.

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