Page 82 of Back In the Shadows

We stayed locked together for what felt like blissful eternity before I finally set her down against the wall. As we leaned against it together, catching our breaths, I kissed her tenderly, the feel of her warm lips against mine giving me a moment of peace. One that I’d needed for a long time.

I ran my knuckles down her cheek and kissed the tip of her nose. “I love you, Ella Fletcher.”

She turned to me, her gaze full of love. “I love you too, Sebastian Fletcher.”

I glanced down and noticed the blood that once had streaked her stomach and thighs was now washed clean. I inhaled a deep breath, claiming the small victory that I’d forced Death into the background and had appeared when Ella needed me. Needed to be loved and cherished, not brutalized by a monster. But somewhere inside me, I knew I hadn’t won the war to rid myself of his presence. Yet.

41

SEBASTIAN

Once Ella and I had cleaned up, she wanted to catch a quick nap in the room Death had been using. The cot wasn’t much, but it was enough to keep us off the floor and warm. I hated leaving her, but I had things to sort out.

My emotions churned and my chest hurt at the thought of who Death was. What he’d done and planned to do. I had to find a way to keep him at bay. I dug my fingernails into my palms as I walked down the hall of the abandoned building and opened the door to where Kip was hanging out.

He glanced up as I entered the room.

“Hey, man.”

“I notice that you guys don’t call me by my name as much anymore. My guess? You’re trying to figure out who you’re dealing with.”

Kip gave me a reluctant nod. “Especially lately. You’re changing a lot. I’m guessing it’s all the stress.”

I rubbed my chin, the stubble scraping against my fingers. Shit had gone south so fast that I’d forgotten to shave. Hopefully I hadn’t scratched Ella too much.

She likes it.

“Shut up,” I muttered to Death.

Kip arched a brow at me. “You two are talking back and forth now?”

“We always did, I just didn’t realize what was happening.” I sank into an old metal chair near the desk and blew out a heavy sigh. “How have you put up with him all of these years?”

Compassion flashed across my friend’s face. “I won’t give you a line of shit, it’s been hard to deal with both of you. You’re loyal, and I never guess what your intentions are. You save women and children, that’s impressive. Your temper gets a bit out of control sometimes, but it’s usually … well, in the past it’s been when Death was going to reappear. And he, uh, sorry, Bass, but Death is a fucking bad ass. Honestly, I wouldn’t get rid of either of you.”

Shocked with his response, I leaned back in the chair and stretched my legs in front of me. “It’s too much for Ella and the kids. He’s too rough with her, and he brings out a side of her that is startling.”

Kip drummed his fingers on the desk and waited for me to finish, but I wasn’t sure what else to say.

“Ella has that darkness in her regardless. Look at how she loved working with criminals. She loves the danger and intrigue. Death gives her permission to be that woman. We’ve all accepted her. All of us except for you.”

“That’s because you all have known the truth for years. I’m just figuring out who I am, both sides of me, mate. I don’t know how to fucking deal with it. I’m around him more and more, so my awareness of what he does is much stronger, and it’s …” I rocked back on my heels, frustrated and terrified of that part of myself.

Silence hung in the air before Kip said, “You could go to a shrink and see if there are meds to help suppress Death, but you need to understand you might end up committed and never be afree man again. Dope and I had to make that decision for you for a long ass time, but now that you know … it’s up to you.”

My heart hammered against my ribs. I’d put everyone through hell. They lied and covered up my crimes because they believed in me. Both parts of me. It still baffled me why.

“Listen, I know you well enough to realize this is really fucking with you and that’s fair, man. Let me ask you this.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, piercing me with his intense gaze. “If it were me or Dope in your situation. What would you do?”

I folded my arms over my chest as I chewed on his question. “You guys are my family. I would do anything in my power to protect you. I would stand by you.”

Kip grinned and snapped his fingers. “Exactly. To us, you’re family. We’ve all gone through hell and back together, and we’d do it again. You’d do the same for us, so quit beating yourself up for our choice to cover your tracks and keep you out of trouble. Bass, you do a helluva lot of good. Stop sweating it. You have the Horizon Society, and those women and children get a fresh, safe start all over because of you. Death, well, he helps the cops get rid of some really bad men. I mean, be real with me. Don’t you feel just a little bit better knowing that some of the people that kidnap kids and sell them won’t be around the twins? You’re protecting them and all the other kids who are too small to take care of themselves. As far as I’m concerned, Death is a fucking hero.”

I stared at the floor, tension snaking through my shoulders. “I hadn’t thought about how Death’s actions would keep the twins safe … all children actually.”

“Yup. He’s not as bad as you think he is. Ryan and I are used to the blood and gore, but part of that is due to my uncle. He’s a damn good cleaner.”

I leaned my head to the left, then the right, and stretched the tight muscles in my neck. “Crickey, this shit is heavy. All I know is that I either have to gain full control, so Death isn’t around, or learn to live with the bastard.”

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