Page 61 of Love Me, I Dare You

There’s a subtle change in her demeanor. It’s barely noticeable, but I’m too focused on her to miss it. “Nash, don’t. There’s no need whatsoever to talk about the other morning.”

Now I’m the one who’s annoyed with the turn of events. I need her to know it wasn’t a lie. “Bullshit, Bailey. I made you feel good. Was damn near ready to fuck you and you freaked out, kicked me out and have also avoided me since.”

“It was a mistake that shouldn’t have occurred.”

She’s lying. I know she is because she won’t look me in the eye as she speaks. “Don’t lie to me, B. You wanted it just as badly as I did. You still do. It wasn’t a fucking game.” Bailey lets out a loud and enthusiastic laugh that pisses me off. “Don’t laugh.”

Fierce eyes gleam as they put mine in a trance. As she leans closer, her brows furrow in concentration, her legs remaining in my lap while my hand rests on her thigh, a place it has no right to be, yet it refuses to leave.

“Then what should I do, Nash? Tell me? What the fuck should I do? Cause there’s no manual which tells you what to do when the guy you thought you loved, the one who walked out of your life and stayed gone for ten years after you gave him your virginity, comes back. What's the protocol?”

“I didn’t mean to…”

“To upset me? Ha.” She lets out a sharp, humorless chuckle. “Yeah, well, I’m starting to realize you don’t mean a lot of the shit you do or say.”

My fingers dig deeper into her thigh, and it suddenly makes her aware of my touch, though she doesn't pull away. It would make me smile if I weren’t so fucking angry at her right now. “I meant every word I said to you that night, Bailey. All of it meant something to me. As did the other morning. I never do what I don’t want to.”

“Then why did you leave?” The tremor in her voice strikes me with a wave of regret straight in the chest as her defenses come barreling down. There’s a hint of pain in her tone, but most importantly, it’s the tears welling in her eyes that weaken my resolve.

I take a deep breath in, trying to come up with the right words to say, but nothing will fix what I’ve done. Won’t change the fact I broke her heart when I left because the truth will only bring her more pain.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Bullshit,” she spits back at me. “You can’t say that you wanted it, wanted me. Then refuse to tell me why you walked away from it all.”

My voice is barely above a whisper. “I can’t.”

Her gaze softens for a moment, but the pain doesn’t fade away. “You can’t tell me or you won’t.”

She doesn't need an explanation. What she needs from me is honesty and understanding. An apology, a promise to do better, but that’s not something I can give her without facing the consequences of my actions. To accept I’m the one to blame for all of it, not the men who forced my hand. I was the one who so easily fell for the lies they told me, allowed his threats to shape the rest of my life and who I became.

Together we could have faced the hurricane that threatened to fall upon us, but left her to find her own shelter to weather the storm.

I reach out, hoping she won’t push me away, but she pulls back, fear flashing in her eyes. Lowering my hand, I shake my head in defeat. “It will do no good to know the truth, Bailey. Just drop it.”

“It was Jase, wasn’t it?” Her question leaves me bemused, but I know any answer I give her will give away the truth. “My brother. He knows what happened between us. I suspected it was true, but the other day he proved me right. You both did.”

“What are you talking about?”

Despite the initial agony in her gaze, she inhales a sharp breath and continues. “I heard you. When Jase warned you to stay away from me, after he was the one who suggested we live together. You told him you’d keep your hands to yourself because I was a mistake.”

A heaviness falls over me and weighs me down as I hear her repeat the words I said, but didn’t mean. I won’t deny it because she wouldn’t believe me if I did. Bailey heard what I confessed to her brother. I’d lied and told him being with her was a mistake. The words slipped out in a moment of panic as I tried to cover up what I really felt, but I immediately regretted it. All I was trying to do was prevent Jase from suspecting I wanted his sister more than I allowed myself to believe.

I wish I could take it back though I won’t. Because despite it being the truth, I could never give her any of what those words could one day mean.

How would I be able to mend the ache they’d leave when I couldn’t follow through with my promises? How would I hide the depth of what I’d felt for her that night without giving her hope?

Perhaps in time, I could. Though I have little time left in Crossroads.

Bailey takes my silence as enough confirmation. “It’s fine, because the other morning was also a mistake. I used you to get off, nothing more than that.”

The lie slips so easily from her lips it’s almost comical. “Oh, really?” I ask, not for one second believing her.

I can tell by the way she refuses to meet my gaze that she’s trying to convince herself it’s the truth. Hell, she might believe it, but I don’t. I saw it in the way she watched me—she wanted me. Needed me to desire her the way she did me. I did, I craved everything with her, and was willing to risk it all for a chance at making her mine.

With a simple shrug of her shoulders, she agrees. “Yes.”

Mischief bubbles inside me, and I want to push her. I want to see how far she’s willing to take her little white lie. “So what? Does that mean I get to use you now?”

---