Page 51 of Cruel Longing

“They’re all paying.” I exhaled and spun on my bare heels. Maybe it had been a mistake to tell him. He was focused on revenge already. “Until someone comes clean, they all have to pay.” I grabbed the upright post of the bed. I just needed a second to lean on something. It couldn’t be Luka.

But suddenly his hands wrapped around my waist and his mouth nuzzled against my neck. I stiffened against his body, but he aligned against me, holding me closer, tighter.

“I’m sorry.” He kissed my shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

I closed my eyes. I didn’t know whether to trust the moment or not. My muscles relaxed against my instincts.

“If things had been different?—”

“No.” I shook my head. “I’m not letting you play the what-if game.”

“How do I turn that off?”

“You have to figure out a way not to go down that road,” I answered. “It will drive you crazy. Trust me.” He didn’t want to know all the different ways I thought things could have been different if he hadn’t moved to Paris.

His fingers grazed my waist as he rotated me in his arms. When my eyes blinked open, I was staring into his dark gaze. But thestorm clouds were gone. They had been replaced by a different kind of intensity.

“It doesn’t matter to me if Ciro is out there or a hundred miles away. I’m here now. Nothing is going to happen to you again. I will protect you. You don’t need him.”

“You can’t make that kind of promise.”

“I just did.” I meant it. Amara was mine and I would ensure the others would respect her place by my side.

“I’ve lived with what happened to me. I have measures in place. I’ve been handling it, Luka. I’m quite safe now.”

“But everyone knows your weakness.”

“What’s that?” I studied his eyes.

“It’s Ciro. He’s what holds up your security. Without him, the safeguards disappear and you’re vulnerable.”

I tried to wiggle away, but Luka’s hands clasped against my lower back. “It sounds like you’ve thought a lot about my security.”

“Only because I want to keep you safe. You can’t rely on him for that forever.”

“Can we talk about something else? Anything else?” I asked. Everything between us was shifting. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the idea that Luka would think I was anything but fiercely independent and strong. It was hard to be this vulnerable with him.

“Do you want to tell me how you got out of the basement?” he prodded. I immediately moaned. He tipped my chin upward. “I need to know what happened.”

“And then you’ll let it go?” I made him promise.

He nodded. “And then I’ll let it go.”

“Fine. But I need a refill first.” Luka finally broke his hold on me. I took a full inhale of air now that my lungs had a way to expand and waited for him to top off the glass. He sat next to me on the edge of the bed.

He needed the full story to understand who I was now.

Five Years Ago

My neck hurt. I rubbed the pinched nerve behind my ear. The searing pain traveled past my shoulder to a point in my elbow. I winced and rose from the couch. I’d spent five nights on that thing, and it wasn’t getting any easier. Each day I woke up in more pain than the day before. My body didn’t want to acclimate to this room—it rejected it at every turn. There was no comfort. No sense of shelter. It was my prison. A bleak musty coffin.

I shuffled to the sink and turned on the hot water to splash my face. I waited for the door to open. It had been over a day since I had been given a new set of clothes. I brushed my teeth next.

Sometimes when my eyes opened, I wondered if it was 7 am or 2 pm. I still hadn’t figured out a way to measure time. I only counted it by the meals that were delivered and what types of foods were on the trays. I knew those might be in reverse order just to mess with my head. I couldn’t count on my kidnappers to dole out helpful clues. I couldn’t trust anything in my surroundings.

I started to doubt myself. I retraced the days leading up to my abduction.

I questioned if the memories were real. Was anything I remembered accurate? Was it a migraine that knocked me out, or did someone cause the migraine? What order did it all take place? Did my father know I was gone? He was too incapacitated to know who was near him. His days were as blended together as mine were. Had anyone else from the house noticed?

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