Page 1 of Cruel Longing

One

AMARA

FIVE YEARS AGO

It was an odd feeling to be a stranger in my hometown. That’s how everything felt. Odd. Distant. Colorless. Tasteless. As if I was living in a gray snow globe with nothing inside but floating, filmy debris.

A car honked and I jumped. It was the same time Gigi walked into the guest room where I slept.

“Hi, you. You haven’t come downstairs all morning.”

I shrugged. “I did get a cup of coffee.” The empty mug rested on the dresser.

She sat next to me on the window seat. My cousin and I looked nothing alike. My lighter features were in opposition to her olive complexion and dark brunette hair. Gigi had blue eyes like her parents.

“I thought the service was nice,” she added.

I nodded. “Papa would have been pleased so many people attended.” Returning to Philadelphia with my father had been an ordeal and an undertaking I wasn’t prepared for. Not after escaping my kidnapping. I didn’t think I would have survived any of it if it hadn’t been for Ciro.

Only a few weeks ago I considered him a menace to my every waking move, now I couldn’t imagine going anywhere without him. I insisted Ciro stay with me at Gigi’s house despite how he made her children cry. He only had to glance at them and Rocco and Eliza, the twins would scream.

“I’m worried about you, Amara.” Gigi brushed the hair from my shoulder. “Papa wants to talk to you.”

I exhaled. “I guess I’m his problem now.”

“Why would you say that? You’re family. Not a problem. Not a burden. You just lost Uncle Lorenzo. He’s grieving for his brother too.”

Their dreams had ended. The plans. The dynasty Uncle Gio and my father orchestrated was over the moment he took his last breath. The New Orleans arm of the family business would have to be sold. There would be no expansion in Atlanta. The familiar pit in my stomach soured. There was one family rejoicing at my father’s death—the Novikovs. Now they could have their precious hotel. The tunnels that intricately knitted the city’s underbelly together.

They could go back to their old ways. To ruling ruthlessly. To being the reining family. Bratva.

“That necklace you’re wearing is beautiful,” she added. “I noticed you’ve had it on the whole time you’ve been here.”

I absently fingered the pearly and diamond pendant. “Yes.”

“Did Uncle Lorenzo give it to you or something?”

I huffed. “No. It wasn’t him.” I wasn’t in the mood to talk about Luka’s gift. I wasn’t sure if I wore it to torture myself or long for it to bring me comfort. It only did one of those things, and I wore it regardless.

I shuddered. Gigi patted my back. “Maybe we could go to lunch?” she suggested. “Talk some of this through?”

I spotted a man being led down the street by a Great Dane. He had no control over which post or person the dog wanted to sniff.

“What if I got a dog?”

“A dog? All right. It might be good for you to have a companion. Other than Ciro. He really is scaring the twins.”

“Or a cat? Are cats easier than dogs? I’ve never had a pet. Papa wouldn’t allow animals in the house. Never.”

“Then maybe you should have one of each.”

I rotated toward Gigi. I smiled. “Yes. Maybe one of each.” There was a gleam in her eyes I hadn’t seen since I was a child. A glimpse of her rebellious nature. The one that had been suffocated when she was forced to marry Danny.

How often did she get to lean into her true self? Now that she was a mother and wife it seemed her life was dedicated to running their home. Making sure the twins had cupcakes for preschool parties. Instructing the house manager on what meals Danny wanted prepared. Running errands for Danny while hehandled Capo business, so he never had a wrinkled shirt or tarnished cufflinks.

“Gigi, wouldyoulike to go to lunch?” I realized perhaps she was the one who needed an escape from her house and not me.

“Yes. I would love to spend some time with you.”

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