Page 38 of Love Bitters

Her eyes cut to Luci, and in my peripheral, I see the woman’s gaze drop to the floor. Call it a moment of insanity, but I can’t stand to see her like that. Which is why I draw the attention away from her.

“It’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be,” I say, turning to look at Blythe. Her mouth pops open to retort, but I don’t let her. “I was in a relationship with five men, and it was one of the best moments in my entire life.”

The entire room seems to have sucked in a breath, and I can feel Abilene’s gaze on me like a deer in headlights, but I’m not going to out her if that’s what she’s worried about. I only intend to share my own experiences if they care to know, and apparently, they do.

“What was that like?” Maisie asks hesitantly. “Were they like the men in the book?”

I chuckle softly before replying, “They were nothing like them. Especially Ollie. He has a personality that’s a square peg in a round hole. Some of the emotions that the characters experienced were real. Like wondering if there’s enough of you to go around or how people will treat you once they find out. It’s weird to have only thought I had enough room to love one person at a time now.”

“Did you guys tell anyone?” Penelope asks.

I shake my head slowly. “Two of my old friends found out and were pretty mean about it, so I wasn’t going to risk the wrath of my super Christian mother until I knew for certain.”

Blythe crosses her arms over her chest. “So, what happened? They get jealous of each other and you guys split?”

The mere curiosity instead of hostility from her takes me back. “They never once got jealous. Even Ollie and Evan, who were with each other before I even came into the picture.”

“Like boyfriends?” Penelope asks with surprised eyes.

I nod my reply before Blythe hits me with a hard question. “If they were so great, why aren’t you still with them?”

For half a second I debate lying, but then I remember Luci’s courage in admitting her hard truth. Pointing to my belly, I say, “That happened.”

“Do they know?” Luci inquires gently.

Deafening silence since hits again, and I swallow the lump in my throat before telling them yet another harsh truth.

“No.” At their shocked expressions, I add, “Look, I know it sounds bad. I do plan on telling them after it’s born. We won’t know who the father is until then anyway. They’ve all got great lives, and there’s no reason for me to drop a bomb like this and have them all freaking out when I can just wait and ruin only one of their lives.”

“You shouldn’t think like that,” Luci supplies. “It’s not fair to you, for one. They should be supporting you right now so you aren’t having to go at everything alone.”

“She isn’t alone,” Jolene says, grinning my way. “She’s got us now. Even though, I do think you should definitely tell them when you think you’re ready. A father deserves to know his child and vice versa.”

The pressure of holding back my tears is starting to build behind my eyes. Breaking down and crying was the last direction I wanted this to go, but all I can see is how hurt Ollie is going to be. I don’t know which would be worse if the baby is his or Evan’s, or if it isn’t. Either way, I get to break his heart all over again. That’s when the dam decides to break. They're not full-on sobs, but I can feel the warmth of the tears as they roll down my face, and then there’s a pat on my shoulder. A quick look shows Blythe wearing an awkward expression like she wants to comfort me but doesn’t know how. Blaming the hormones, the sight makes me laugh around the sniffles.

I pull myself together after a few moments then answer Jolene’s statement. “I didn’t intend to keep them away from each other. I just wanted to find out who the father was first, you know?”

Her head bobs with a nod, but it’s Penelope who speaks up next. “Okay, so we’re just going to bypass the whole sex thing? Come on, tell us, was it as hot as it was in the book?”

“Duh,” Jade says. “Otherwise, she wouldn’t be in this kind of predicament, yeah?”

Everyone, including me, laughs at my expense.

Penelope does a lot of talking with her hands, and now is no different. She puts her palms together and points them at me, saying, “I don’t want all the dirty details. I just want to know if it was anything like the scenes in the book.”

“Better,” I confess.

She sits back and fans herself with her hands as beside her, Maisie’s face takes on a soft pink glow.

“So, what we’re all saying is I get to pick the book again this week?” Jade teases, and it brings another round of laughs.

“This goes against what we’ve been doing already,” Jolene starts, “but Luci shared a book with me the other day that I think you guys will love. If you’re okay with it, I think it should be our next one. It’s also multiple partners, though this one is only menage, and it’s got bikers.”

We all shrug or give our approval. With a good cry and the weight of secrets I’ve been carrying around for months now off my chest, it’s easy enough to sit back and listen as the others continue to converse. Abilene finally breaks out of her stupor and joins them. After a little while, Penelope and Maisie both say they have to go. As Luci claims the same, I see Blythe pull her to the side and can’t help overhearing what she says as she hands Luci a business card.

“This is my therapist. He’s annoying, but he’s good at what he does. Just in case you wanted to talk to someone who wasn’t us.”

“Thank you,” Luci says softly.

Blythe shrugs as she says bye to all of us and leaves too.

“Think about calling,” Jolene tells her as Luci pulls her purse on her shoulder. “If not him, we’re here, or if it makes you more comfortable, there are anonymous hotlines you can call too. Just in case he breaks that promise.”

She gives Jolene an appreciative hug before heading out. I can’t help but wonder if Murphy got his job back. If it ever gets to the point of her needing a cop to chat with, would I be able to bring myself to asking him for that favor? Probably not. I’m still too much of a chicken for that confrontation, so I hope for her sake it doesn’t ever come to that anyway.

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