Page 49 of Refusing Kendall

Lucas huffs still breathing hard, turning to Maverick, “Are you just going to stand there? You’re don’t have anything to say?”

A morbid laugh escapes Teagan, “You’re fucking kidding, right? Of course, he’s not going to say anything. He never wanted the four of us to share her to begin with. This is just icing on the cake for him.”

Mavs looks away from us all, but still doesn’t say anything.

“Told you,” Teagan brags. “What’s really comical is the fact that I’m catching shit right now for something that was out of my control, but here this asshole stands, drinking himself into an early grave, and no one has the balls to call him out on it.”

“I don’t need anyone holding my hand in my life,” Goose says, his own temper flaring to life. “Don’t bring me into your mess this time. I’m out.”

True to his word, he doesn’t even bother with a goodbye before limping out the door.

Teagan lets out a sad sigh, “Well, at least this will get coach off our asses about the spectacle we’ve made of ourselves.” He says nothing else and walks out the door mere seconds after Goose.

Lucas and Mav look at each other as the latter rubs his face, “Go after Goose before he picks another fight that he doesn’t wake up from. Probably best that I take T right now.”

He doesn’t spare me a glance, either, as he starts after the others. Lucas is the only one who comes to where I’m standing with stupid tears rolling down my face. I grab a paper towel and wipe the blood underneath his nose as I whisper, “I’m sorry.”

Grabbing the sides of my face, he uses the pads of his thumbs to swipe away the droplets still working their way out of my eyes, “You have nothing at all to be sorry for, baby. He should have known better. All of this shit with Goose has us all on edge. I won’t defend him, because I wasn’t there. However, Idoknow how much he loves you. Don’t tell him I told you this, but coach tried to give us an ultimatum between you and next season on the team. Teagan told him he could shove it up his ass and find someone to replace him. Don’t let him off easy for this, but it is food for thought, love.”

No words would leave my mouth if I tried, so I just close my eyes and nod. He kisses my forehead and promises to be back soon. All to soon, I’m left alone with nothing but the devastating thoughts running through my head to keep me company. Sinking to the floor, I sob into my knees. Apparently, I had more left in there after all.

When did our lives become so fucked up? I miss what we used to have and the way that things were between us. What breaks my heart more than anything, is the possibility of ruining their friendship. They were friends long before I came into the picture. People grow up and out of some friendships in life, I know this. I just never wanted to be the cause of the dissolution of this one. Being as naïve as I am, I always thought I’d be the glue that kept them together, much like Teagan told me many months ago. I’m so fucking stupid. I should have known that this would never work.

The thought of losing any of them burns a hole into my soul and makes me sick to my stomach. When I think of the distance that I’ll have to put between us to make it easier, I’m jumping to my feet and making a run to my bathroom. I heave up everything that I have in my stomach and then some. Then, I sit my ass on the edge of the tub until I’m sure that I’m not going to be sick anymore.

I have about a dozen things I need to be doing or studying but I just can’t bring myself to care about them. Taking my sad little self-pity party upstairs to the outdoor deck, I sit and wait for any of them to come home.

My eyes feel heavy, but there’s no chance of sleeping until someone tells me that they’re all okay. That someone turns out to be Lucas, of course. He parks his truck in front of the house and gets out carrying a sack full of stuff. No one else is with him, and I’m honestly not surprised.

I want to go down and meet him, but I just can’t get my body to move. I’m emotionally spent for the day. There’s nothing left in my juice box.

“Figured I’d find you out here,” Lucas’ voice pulls me out of my head.

I try to give him a smile, but I know he sees right through it, “Everyone okay?”

He nods, “For now. One day this will all be a distant memory. As for the moment…” Pulling two tubs out of the plastic bag, he hands me a spoon and keeps one of his own.

“Ice cream?” I ask him incredulously.

His smile reaches his eyes, “Yep. Chocolate chip cookie dough, as a matter of fact. The cure to all things in relation to Kendall sadness.”

I can’t help the laugh that sneaks out of my chest. He knows me so well. Lucas will always know just what to say, what will strike home and make me feel better.

“Thank you,” I tell him while snagging a bite of his cookies and cream in the process.

“Anything for you, baby. You know that,” he answers with another smile.

We sit in silence while I drown my sorrows in the bottom of a tub of ice cream. For some reason, our vacation for our upcoming spring break pops into my head. As much as I’d love to go with them, I think I’d be more of a hindrance than assistance in helping Goose like we planned.

“Hey, Luc,” I start. “I think it’ll be best that you guys take the spring break trip without me.” He opens his mouth, but I cut him off with a raised hand, “It’ll be good for you guys to all get back on the same page, without the stress of our relationship hanging over everyone’s head.”

He stares out into the yard for a few seconds before turning back to me, “If that’s what you want, then I won’t beg you to go with us. I wish you would, but I respect what you’re trying to do.” Stabbing his spoon down into the tub, he uses the same hand to pull me to face him, “But I need you to promise me that this is how you really feel, and it’s not just some excuse to distance yourself from us.”

I study his face before I answer with a promise. If they come back as broken they’re leaving, then it won’t be an issue anyway.

“Good, now let’s go inside and finish our ice cream. I can think of at least ten ways of making this even better, and they all involve you licking it off,” he says with a wink as he stands.

I grab mine and place my hand in his, “Sounds like a plan to me.”

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