Page 17 of Refusing Kendall

“We don’t have to go on it,” I suggest.

He kisses my forehead, “No way. You guys go ahead. I smell something calling my name anyways.”

Mav groans, “You had to mention food, didn’t you? I’m fucking starving.”

“Hey,” I gripe, “You guys are ditching me to ride this alone.”

Goose’s arms snake around my middle, and he pulls me back to tuck my head underneath his chin as he says, “Go ahead and get food. I’ll ride with Kendall.”

They don’t need to be told twice and take off towards the closest food truck.

“Fucking animals,” Goose mumbles as we get in line.

I don’t even have the words to say, because I’m still stuck on the fact I didn’t know that Lucas was scared of heights. We’ve been in this relationship for at least nine months, and we’ve been friends for even longer. How the hell did I not know one of his biggest fears? Thinking on it, I realize that I don’t know what the others are scared of, either. I don’t know if it’s because it’s four against one with info overload, or if I’m just so selfish that I didn’t think to even ask about things like that. Either way, it leaves an ugly feeling in my belly that I don’t like. Goose keeps me tucked against him as we make our way through the short line, then he helps me into the bucket. Lucas was right about one thing, these things are pretty small. Or, it could have something to do with Goose being so huge, which you won’t ever find me complaining about. Especially when I manage to get his sexy ass in that kilt.

We’re locked in and moving, with me squished against his side, when he asks, “You’ve been quiet since we got in line. Anything you want to talk about? You’re not scared of heights too, are you?”

My lips tug up at the corners. Leave it to him to make me smile, even when my head is elsewhere.

“I’m actually kind of sad,” I answer honestly. At his look of disappointment, I quickly add, “Not about tonight. I feel like a horrible girlfriend. I didn’t know that Lucas is afraid of heights, and the more and more I think about it, I don’t know what any of you are scared of. Which makes me wonder about what other things don’t know about you.”

“And that makes you think you’re a bad girlfriend?” He asks.

He doesn’t laugh or play it off like normal. Instead when I nod he says, “I’m sorry, babe, but that’s crazy. I’ve even got a legit argument that you won’t be able to debate. For one, there’s four of us and one of you. Talk about having a lot to remember and yet, you do. I bet you could tell me more about myself than even I know.”

I open my mouth to speak, but he covers it with his hand, “And for two, we’re men, babydoll. We don’t talk about feelings, and we most certainly don’t announce to anyone that we’re are actually scared of things. We’re supposed to be the alpha of the species.”

I roll my eyes and pull his hand away, “You do realize how sexist that sounds, right?”

“Maybe,” he grins, “But you don’t have an argument against it, do you?”

Thinking on it for a second, I say, “I guess I don’t, but what if I asked?”

“Asked what?” He replies. “Our biggest fears?”

I nod again, and he lets out a sigh, “I would tell you. Probably, reluctantly, Mav would too, but you’d more than likely have to bribe T.”

“Probably,” I agree letting out a small laugh.

“So...” I trail off waiting for him to answer the unspoken question.

Refusing to meet my eyes, he looks out over the fairgrounds as he says, “My biggest fear is that I’ll become my dad.”

His admission steals my breath for a second. It’s the last thing I was expecting him to say.

“He’s never around,” he keeps going. “And when he is, I wish he wasn’t. There’s always alcohol involved, and let’s just say that he’s not a very nice drunk. He hasn’t laid a hand on me since I was old enough to punch him back, but it doesn’t matter because I haven’t seen him in well over a year now. He keeps up the bills and stuff on the house, but never comes home. I think he’s got a second family somewhere, but I’ve never felt the desire to go digging to find out for sure.”

“Shit,” I breathe. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dredge up bad memories that would hurt you.”

He shoots me a sad smile, “He hasn’t hurt me since the day that I decided to stop letting him hurt me. These are just memories, nothing else. Furthermore, I want you to know everything there is about me. How else will you figure out that you want to spend the rest of your life with me?”

That last part throws me for a loop. I didn’t even know that was something any of them had considered.

Goose reaches out and gently pushes up my chin so that my mouth will close. Then successfully changing the subject, he suggestively asks, “Just how serious were you about that kilt thing?”

Sleepovers and Strippers

The next few days are boring as fuck. I don’t see the guys because of practice, so that leaves me just going to class and coming home. One of them calls every night to check in, but after my acknowledgment of just how much I’m missing each of them, the distance seems further than it is.

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