Page 49 of Reviving Kendall

Letting go of his hand, I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes as I whisper the thought that has been in my head for weeks, “He was here alone. If I had been here, I could have done something. But I wasn’t. I wasn’t here.” A sob racks my chest.

I feel Teagan shift beside me before he pulls me into his lap like a fucking baby, “Did they tell you that you being here would have helped?” I shake my head as he rubs a hand up and down my spine, “Do you honestly feel like you being here would have made a difference?”

His questions are so logical and serious, highly unusual for his normal laid-back fun-loving self.

“I don’t know,” I tell him, “But now I’ll always have to wonder, what if. What if he fell and it somehow caused the stroke? What if someone was here to call 911 and it would have saved him?” By the time I get to the last what if, I’m in full blown hysterics, “What if he laid right there in the floor and called for me until he couldn’t anymore?”

He tucks me underneath his chin and rocks me back and forth as they let me purge the guilt that’s sitting heavy in my heart.

Maverick waits until my loud crying turns to sniffles, “Come here, Kendall.” He uses that tone that leaves no room for argument. Teagan releases me, and I crawl the little bit of space over to sit between his legs. I feel like I’m going insane, because I can’t help but to notice how fucking sexy he is in this moment. The black pants of his suit are in a tighter style, so it shows off just how well built his long legs are. And holy fucking suspenders. I never thought that such a small thing could be so attractive. Taking a second to look at the others, I see that Mav is the only one with them. Doesn’t make them look any less appealing though. Teagan’s shirt is unbuttoned and untucked making him look very much the carefree spirit he is. Lucas’ sleeves are pushed up like Goose’s showing off his tattoos and I find myself wondering when I’ll get the chance to see the others like he promised. Glancing up, I find his blue eyes studying me. He’s got one of those half smile things on his face, like he already knows what’s been floating around in my psychotic brain. My eyes flick back to Mav to see that he’s watching me as well. It makes me nervous, because there’s no way in hell that he missed me checking out the others just now. Right after I just bawled my eyes out, none-the-less. Goddamn it. I’m such a fucking wreck.

I close my eyes and shake my head. The sides of my face are surrounded by his hands and I feel him lean into the space between us. His lips cover mine for one quick moment, “You can’t worry yourself sick over the what ifs in life. That’s no way to live. Everything happens for a reason, and you’ll look back on this one day after you’ve forgiven yourself, and you’ll know that there was nothing that you could do, even if you would have been here.”

As his lips come down on mine again, I can only hope that he’s right.

Soft Smiles

After a few more hours of sitting on the floor talking, all of our asses are numb, and the guys start to get hungry. They give me shit for a few minutes about how much weight that I’ve lost. I don’t really care about how much I weigh. Skinny or fat, I’m still the same person. Albeit a little less on the inside now, but they are doing what they can to help fill that void. I’m not going to lie and say that it’s going to be rainbows and fucking cupcakes overnight. It’s going to take time, and I’ll never fully heal. There are still days when I think about Casey, Brian and Will or Nana, and it makes me want to hide myself away. Gramps and I had each other after Nana, and he tried his best to be there for me after the accident. Even with the guys here, it hurts worse than words could ever express. I can’t even imagine what it would be like without them right now. If they would have come back and offered nothing but their friendship, I would have taken it. I just need that lifeline to keep me from falling into that nothingness again.

Mav and Teagan are talking about going to get clothes, so they can get out of their suits, and stopping for pizza on the way back. Lucas throws that option out there, walking out of the hallway, because he knows it’s my favorite and I won’t turn it down. Goose stands to my left, propped against the counter with me, his arms crossed against his chest. He’s got a blonde shadow on his face where he hasn’t shaved in a couple days. The other guys do too, but his and Mav’s are the worse. It’s easy enough to turn my body to where we’re chest to chest. His arms instantly unfold, and wrap around me as he places a kiss on the top of my head. Between the sound of his heartbeat underneath my ear and the warmth that radiates from him into my body, I let out a breath that I feel I’ve been holding in for weeks.

When I look up to him it’s to find him already looking down at me, “I’m sorry I hit you.”

His smile is soft, and I love the way that it crinkles the skin around his green eyes. Damn, I didn’t realize just how much I’ve missed it. How much I’ve missed him. “It’s ok, babe. No worse than taking a hit from a toddler really,” he teases, then laughs at my expression. The rumble of it through his chest hits me in places that it probably shouldn’t be right now.

Reaching my hand up to run my fingers across the stubble, I like the way it feels against my skin, “Why don’t you keep this?” He’s got that natural pretty boy look about him, but facial hair makes him look older, and dare I say, fucking sexier. That’s when I feel it. I know for sure, without meaning to, I’ve fallen so hard for them.

The next words that leave his lips are just one of the reminders why. He shrugs, “I’ve just always shaved it. I’ll keep it if you like it though. Does it make me look more rugged?”

With me still in his arms, he pulls off a pose with his body and it makes me laugh, “Definitely yes. But you don’t need it. You’re hot with or without it.”

“Mmm,” his voice rumbles through his chest. “Is that so?”

I nod, and he leans down like he’s going to kiss me, only Teagan interrupts, “We’re going to head over to get the stuff real quick. You guys will be ok til we get back?” I’m not sure if he’s asking me or the guys or both, but I nod anyways.

Stepping up behind me and hugging me from the back causes me to be squished between him and Goose, who makes me laugh again when he wiggles his eyebrows at me.

Teagan, at my ear, whisper sings a few lines from a soft song that sends chill bumps down my arms. He pulls me from Goose and moves my body with him before twirling my hand into a spin move, successfully sending me straight into Mav’s waiting arms.

“Hi,” I say a little breathless.

A rare smiles crosses his face, “Hi. Want anything while we’re gone?”

You.It almost slips out, but I catch it in time and shake my head instead.

“If you change your mind, just call one of us and let us know,” he says before adding, “I’ll even have them put those disgusting olives on your pizza like you like.”

From sitting on the arm of the couch, Lucas comes to my defense, “Hey, I like those disgusting olives too.”

This causes a debate about pizza toppings between the four of them. The familiar sound lifts some of the weight off my chest.

“Let’s go man. I’m ready to get this fucking suit off. It itches,” Teagan whines to Mav.

“That’s not the suit dude. That’s you being allergic to anything other than jeans and a t-shirt,” Goose corrects. This gets a full laugh from Mav and my inside voice says,down girl.

Lifting my face with his finger under my chin, he presses his lips against mine before he and Teagan walk out the door. I watch all the way until the door clicks shut, I then turn to Goose and Lucas. The latter stands and takes me by the hand to pull me through the hallway.

He leads me into the bathroom and has me stand in front of the sink, “Bath or shower?”

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