Page 39 of Escaping Wonderland

“I’ve seen the king do worse,” he said. “Jor’calla will be back soon, and it’ll be like it never happened. He’ll be okay.”

She turned her eyes back to his, and a crease formed between her brows. “Did you not hear what Jor’calla told us? What thekingsaid?”

“Iheard, but I suppose I wasn’t reallylistening.”

“The Hatter is dead. Jor’calla is dead! It’struedeath, Shadow. They arenotcoming back!”

Something in the back of Shadow’s mind shifted. He wasn’t sure what it was or what it meant, but it created a dreadful, sinking feeling in his stomach that he certainly didn’t like—especially in the wake of the passion he’d felt only moments before. “They’re not dead, Alice. Death is just a…a transitory state. The Hatter is probably already back, playing with his dollies, and Jor’calla will be back soon, just as healthy and insane as always.”

Alice stared at him. “If you’re so confident in that, then kill me. I’ll come back.” She laughed and raised her arms, waving vaguely at their surroundings. “None of this is real, right? It’s only a dream. I can’t die here.”

Shadow frowned. The pit of dread in his gut deepened, threatening to swallow him up from within. “I would never hurt you, Alice. But…that’s the way it works here. You die and you come back.That’sreality. That’s the truth.”

She lowered her arms and placed her palms upon his chest. “Then there’s nothing to fear, right? You can make it quick.”

His throat constricted, and his breath was suddenly ragged. “What are you doing? Why…why are you saying these things? You’re being…”

Crazy?

But is she, really?

What if I could’ve lost her back there? What if I had lost her forever?

It couldn’t be right. The rules didn’t justchangelike that. Reality couldn’t just suddenly be different, could it? Hecouldkill her, and shewouldcome back.

But it was much more than the notion of doing her harm—which was nauseating by itself—that kept him from acting. The mere thought of there beinganychance, no matter how infinitesimal, of hernotcoming back was too much to bear.

The Hatter is no more.

That couldn’t be true. He couldn’t accept that the Hatter was dead for good, because that would mean Alice was more vulnerable than ever.

Alice slid off him, lay on her side next to him, facing away, and curled into herself. “I’ve seen a dead person before I ever came here, but I’ve never seen someonekilled. There was so much blood, so much…” She shuddered. “He didn’t deserve that. Maybe he will come back. If he does, I hope he doesn’t remember that…that awful death.”

Shadow rolled toward her onto his side and stared at her hair, uncertain of what to do. He didn’t know what she was going through, didn’t understand what she was feeling; violence had been a part of his life for as long as he could remember, and such sights had never affected him much, even in the beginning. He’d always been…detachedfrom it all. But he didn’t like some of the things she’d said. He didn’t like her tone—didn’t like her sounding so sorrowful and troubled.

He reached out and ran his clawed fingers through her hair, gently combing out the snarls and tangles and removing bits of grass, leaves, and twigs. She had such pretty hair. Golden in the sunlight, and pale silver by moonlight—and it was that pale silver now that made him realize night had fallen. They had a little time still; full dark hadn’t yet set in.

“We should try to find a more comfortable spot to sleep,” he said softly. “Before it’s too dark to see anything.”

“Okay,” she replied.

He slowly pushed himself to his feet. He’d dropped the gun sometime after taking hold of Alice, but he wasn’t concerned about that; he had other, more reliable means of defending her. It was only when he reached up to adjust his hat that he paused—his hand found only empty air over his head.

Shadow spun in place, searching the ground for sign of the hat and finding nothing. When had it fallen off? Where was it? For a few seconds, his legs itched with the urge to climb up the hill and retrace the path of their fall. His heart pounded, and panic tightened his chest.

Why am I getting so worked up over a stolen hat?

The answer came to him immediately, but he didn’t want to acknowledge it—some part of Shadow, deep inside, said the missing hat was a confirmation of what Alice had told him. Death was permanent, and the Hatter wasgone.

If anything happened to her,shewould be gone, too.

Don’t need it. Just need her. Just need to keep her safe.

Shadow turned to look at Alice. She had stood up while he’d searched for the hat, and was now a few steps in front of him, looking out across the land with her arms folded in front of her chest. He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes slightly; it was difficult to see, but she was trembling.

He shrugged off his jacket and shook off the leaves and twigs clinging to it before stepping behind her and settling the garment over her shoulders.

She placed one hand over his before he could pull away, turned her head, and smiled up at him. “Thank you.”

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