Page 23 of Escaping Wonderland

“Tome. I can’t account foryourtastes.” He reached up and curled his hand around another orb, guiding it toward her. “You try it and tell me how it tastes to you.”

Alice frowned. “But it’s just light, Shadow. Light doesn’t have a taste. It…it can’t even be held.”

And yet, here he was, holding one out to her.

“You keep going on about how none of this is real, Alice.Whyare you holding yourself to such rules if you don’t believe in any of this, anyway?” He held the glowing orb closer; it hovered in the air just above his palm, flickering. “If this is all fake, like you say, embrace it for a little while. It can’t hurt, can it?”

Alice stared at the light.

Why not embrace it? Why not enjoy herself? She’d always been so proper, had always been so worried about the rules, so worried about what others thought of her, about what they whispered behind her back. Why not let go and have a little fun?

She cupped her hands over his, easing her face just a little closer.

Indulge yourself, little dolly.

The Hatter’s voice echoed through her mind, and she recoiled from Shadow; for an instant, hewasthe Hatter in her imagination, poised over her with a knife at her throat.

“No! No, no, no, no!” Alice turned away from Shadow, plunging her fingers into her hair as she clutched her headbetween her hands. She dropped to her knees and squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t belong here. This isn’t right. This isn’treal.”

Alice heard a gentle rustling of cloth but did not open her eyes; she sensed Shadow was crouched in front of her, and felt that strange, intense energy radiating from him. His hands, warm and gentle, settled on her shoulders.

“Whether or not you belong, you’re here, Alice. If it’s not real…why not use that to become whatever you want to be while you’re here? Become a queen, if you wish it. You can’t do any worse than the one who calls himself the king.”

“How can you just accept this, Shadow?” She opened her eyes and looked at him, brows drawn low. “We’re prisoners here! This is a simulation. Nothing is real. Not the grass we’re standing on, not the clothes we’re wearing, or even…even yourtouch. It’s all fake. A…a shadow of reality, driven by memories of feelings, smells, and tastes. While we’re inside this make-believe world, our real bodies are out there dying!”

Shadow frowned, tilted his head slightly, and curled forward. He settled an elbow on his knee and propped his chin on his palm. “Okay.”

“That’s reallyallyou have to say?Okay?”

He shrugged a shoulder. “If none of it is real, my words don’t matter. I can say or not say anything I want, and it will have no effect. I’m not telling you to embrace this as your reality. Only as your…present. You’re here for now, aren’t you? Play the game a while. Enjoy yourself while you’re here.”

His words reminded her of what awaited in reality, beyond the asylum—the loneliness, isolation, and pain that had consumed her after the death of her father, the people who’d called herfriendand acted devastated after learning that she’d inherited his fortune, the bleakness of not knowing what to dowith herself now that there was such a huge hole in her heart. None of those so-called friends had ever cared about her—they’donly cared about her money. They’d been the same people who whispered behind her back in school, the same people who’d been nice only when it suited them, the same people who’d deemed her not good enough because of the rumors about her mother.

And theirsupportafter her loss had only intensified her sense of being lost and alone.

“You don’t understand, do you? You don’t understand how tempting that is,” she said quietly. “Do you know how tempted I was to eat the cakes the Hatter offered me? To forget everything and just feelgood, like that drug they forced upon me made me feel? Toplaythe game, as you say? Should I have let him do whatever he wanted with me?”

Shadow’s features darkened. He lifted his index finger and said in a guttural tone, “You donoteat his cakes, and he doesnotget to touch you.”

“Why not, Shadow? You’re asking the same of me. Weren’t you just telling me to do what I want? To enjoy myself while I’m here? I could have done that with him, couldn’t I have?”

“No”—he flattened his palms on his knees and leaned closer to her, his eyes burning like teal flames—“youcouldn’thave. People like the Hatter are not concerned with the pleasure of others. He would only take from you.”

“But none of this is real. So why not play anyway?”

“Youare the one who doesn’t understand, Alice. You don’t understand what I mean. The game is not about submitting to this world. If none of this is real and you know that, thenyouhave the power to make your own rules. Youdo not have to bend to this place, make it bend to you!”

“Is that what you did, Shadow?” Alice asked. “Or did you let it consume you?”

He pulled back, expression strained for an instant. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Alice stood up. “I think you do. There must’ve been a reason you were brought here, aterriblereason, a reason you might’ve wanted to forget. Why go back to the real world when you have this one, where you have nothing to worry about? No rules, no consequences. Why wouldn’t you embrace it? To you, thisisreality because it’s easier.”

Shadow shoved himself to his feet and spread his arms wide. “Yes, Alice, thisismy reality. The only one I’ve ever known. Why wouldn’t I make the most of it? Why wouldn’t I do as I please here?

“But it’s not the only reality you’ve ever known. You just chose to forget the other one.”

“Thereisno other one.” He waved a hand dismissively, turned away, and sat down.

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