Page 82 of Escaping Wonderland

Soft, soothing hands slid across his shoulder, back, and chest. “Shh. It’s okay, Shadow,” Alice said, leaning close to brush her nose in his hair. “It was only a nightmare. You’re here. You’re awake now.”

He glanced around the room. It was dark, but not so dark that he couldn’t make out the hotel room’s furnishings—the long mirror behind the desk, the wide, currently blank entertainment screen, the low, six-drawered dresser. A simple as the room was, Shadow was grateful for it; he preferred this place over anywhere he’d stayed in Wonderland.

He would’ve preferredanywhereover Wonderland, so long as Alice was with him.

Shadow slipped his arm around Alice and held her close, pressing his lips to the top of her head and inhaling her scent. This was real; she was real;theywere alive. He wanted to tell her that he knew he was awake, that he knew he was with her, that he was all right, but he couldn’t find his voice. His throat was tight, and his chest felt hollow. No words would come out.

He had dealt with nightmares almost every night since they’d left the psychiatric hospital. It had been jarring; in Wonderland, his sleep had always been dreamless. Most of the nightmares had been flashbacks—memories he didn’t seem to possess during the day surfacing by night, while his mind was most vulnerable. Chaotic, terrifying battles; his ship crashing; the torture he’d suffered afterward—none of it seemed to happen in order, and little of it stayed with him after waking, but they werealways vivid. They also, at times, mixed with his experiences in Wonderland.

Thanks to Chief Farland, Shadow had an identity to put with his legal name—Vailen Kor had been a Warrant Officer in the Intergalactic Union Defense Forces, a dropship pilot. He’d flown a great many combat missions and had suffered several injuries along the way, but it was his last mission that had eventually resulted in him being committed at Liddell Psychiatric Hospital. It had been that last mission that broke a mind that must already have been battered.

His ship had crashed, and almost everyone on board had died. Shadow—then Warrant Officer Kor—and a few of the other survivors had been taken prisoner by the enemy and tortured for nearly a year before being rescued by friendly forces.

The events following Shadow’s rescue had been what Chief Farland calleda sadly typical story. Despite his service, Shadow had simply not received the care he’d required; his government had failed him. The trauma he’d suffered had impeded his ability to function normally. Eventually someone—there was no record of who—had brought him to Liddell Psychiatric Hospital and had him committed, where Shadow simply became another sleeper in the system, forgotten.

The information he’d received about himself hadn’t been a magic key—it hadn’t suddenly unlocked his memories, hadn’t changed who he was. Though he now knew his given name, Alice had fallen in love withShadow, not Vailen Kor, and he didn’t want to be anyone buthers. She’d told him he could be whoever he wanted, that she loved him no matter what name he’d gone by—and he wanted to embrace the life he’d already begun to build with her, wanted to look toward the future. He was Shadow, and when that name came from her lips, it meant so much more than it ever had before. She’d made it something special.

But it was nice to know he wassomeoneand not just a ghost from a simulated world, all the same.

“I’m okay,” he said once his breathing had eased and his heart had slowed. “Sorry I woke you again.”

She pressed closer against him; the silk of her nightgown was soft and cool on his skin. Her fingers rubbed back and forth across his chest, petting him, letting him know she was there. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“I know, it’s just…” he sighed and shook his head. “It’s been four weeks and they’re just as bad. And when they’re like this one… I was back there again. Back in Wonderland. And it was so real, and everything waswrong, and…” Shadow tightened his hold on her.

“It was only a dream.” She lifted her head and looked up at him. Her eyes shifted as she searched his face, her pupils wide and unfocused; her eyesight wasn’t nearly as good as his in the dark. “Your doctor said it’s normal, especially after spending so many years in a simulation. It’s a process, Shadow, but you’re not going through it alone. I’m here with you.” Raising her hand, she brushed her fingers over his brow, tucking his hair to the side. “Your mind just needs time to heal.”

He settled his hand over hers, pressing his cheek into her palm. Her touch had been exquisite in Wonderland, but here in the real world, it was so much more powerful, and hecravedit. They’d been restricted to largely innocent interactions over the last few weeks—his doctors had ordered it.

For the first week of his recovery, Shadow hadn’t had much choice other than comply—his injuries had been even more tender during that time than they’d been immediately after his fight with Victor Koenig—the Red King—and his body had been weak. Despite the chemicals and processes the asylum had used to fight muscle atrophy and other problems caused by beingimmobile for long periods, Shadow’s body had worn down over the seven years he’d been under.

But he’d seen the difference in the mirror lately—he was filling out. Every day, his aches diminished a little more, and he felt a little stronger. He knew he would never feel as fast or strong as he had in Wonderland, and that was still disorienting, but he would adjust.

With Alice at his side, he could overcome anything.

Despite his injuries, despite everything that had been going on regarding the investigations into Koenig, the Liddell Psychiatric Hospital, and Alice’s stepmother and stepbrother, despite frequent trips to doctors and repeated psychiatric evaluations, despite numerous interviews with the police—or perhapsbecauseof all that—Shadow was desperate to have her.

They hadn’t mated once since leaving Wonderland. Between his healing injuries and the stress and exhaustion caused by their ordeal, there’d been neither the time nor the energy on either of their parts.

It’d been alongtime since they’d joined.

Toolong.

He dropped his hands to Alice’s hips and lifted her, dragging her onto his lap so that she straddled him. She released a startled breath, and her hands fell to his shoulders.

“Shadow, what are you doing?” she asked.

He kicked away the blankets covering them and moved his hands to her thighs, sliding his palms up beneath the silky material of her nightgown to feelher. “It should be obvious, sweet, sweet Alice.”

“But you’re still healing. The doctor said?—”

His mouth swooped down and captured hers. “Don’t care,” he said against her lips. Her heat radiated into him, so inviting, so maddening. The pads of his thumbs brushed over her pelvis. “I need you. The rest doesn’t matter.”

She remained tense for a moment; he knew she was worried about hurting him, but the flush on her skin told him she was just as desperate for this as he was. Her lips parted, and her tongue slipped out to dance with his. She eased her muscles and smoothed her palms down his chest. He growled when she curled her fingers to trail her nails over his skin, scraping them down his abdomen.

Alice tore her mouth from his to kiss along his jaw. “I need you, too,” she rasped. “So much.”

Hearing her voice—hearing herneed—fanned the desirous flames within Shadow to new heights.

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