Page 111 of The Failed Audition

My gaze falls off them, agony coursing through again. This isn’t going to have a good end. No bygones be bygones. The realization slashes my insides, cutting me to pieces. I look to the bar, but Katya isn’t alone anymore.

Luka sits beside her, taking furtive glances in my direction. I check the Elvis clock hung beneath a neon sign. It’s too early for Amour to be finished. Nikolai is still at work.

“Thora,” my dad says, drawing my attention. “We’ll compromise. You come back to Ohio with us, reenroll in college, and when auditions come around, we’ll pay for your ticket to Vegas.”

It’s safe. Smart, even. “I…” I freeze.

He adds, “You shouldn’t be working at that club either.”

“It’s…temporary.” My swollen throat can barely release the words.

“And what were you planning on doing if the auditions didn’t work in your favor?” he asks. “How temporary would it be then?”

He’s slicing me at the knees.

My mom says, “We’ll give you the night to think about it. Our flight leaves at noon tomorrow.”

My dad can’t just leave it there. He’s silently fuming, fixated on what he saw tonight. He leans forward. “I don’t care if your mom wants to talk to you, but as long as you have that job, I don’t want to hear from you, Thora.” He stands up like he banged a gavel on a podium, throwing an ultimatum at my face.

I can’t move. I can’t even blink, haunted by his voice.

My mom pats my hand, my dad hurried to leave. He waits for her to scoot from the booth, and when they depart, everything slams into me. Doubts. Worries. So many fears.

I rest my elbows on the table, crying into my palms. How can this be worth it anymore? What if their offer is the right path and I’m being stupid by staying here? In Vegas.

A sob rips my chest open. And that’s when I feel the seat undulate, someone scooting next to me. I lower one hand and see Katya, her cheeks splotched red like she’s been crying.

I turn my head, and I see Luka across from me, his gaze just as bloodshot. But he smiles weakly, as though reminding me that I have people who care about me in this city—who are here for me. I struggle to return the smile, realizing I can’t form one. An avalanche of tears forces me to shield my eyes again.

Katya hugs me around the waist. “You can’t leave,” she whispers, her voice so soft.

My second hand returns to my face, a mess of emotion.You can’t leave.But I’m not sure if I should stay either. I try to set aside my feelings for Nikolai. I try so hard not to see him in the equation, and my achievements seem so small, so miniscule and pitiful.

My body shudders with each sob, the noise muffled in my palms. I never wanted this chapter in my life to be the biggest mistake, the biggest regret. I wanted it to mean something.

I wanted to be something more.

And yet, I sit here, pained, tired, sore, a wreck—and I just hear what everyone has been telling me all along.You’re not one in a million, Thora James.

You will never amount to more than what you are.

Accept that.

I think I’m starting to.

For a long time, Katya and Luka remain quiet. Just here for me. Whether they know it or not—it conflicts me more. It makes it as hard to leave as it is to stay.

And then Luka tells me, “At least wait to talk to our brother before you make a decision. Please.”

I nod once. It’s the only confident choice I can make in this moment. Everything else is fragile and gray.

ACT THIRTY-FOUR

Icurl up on the couch in Nikolai’s suite while I wait for him, silent tears leaking onto a decorative pillow. Katya and Luka whisper quietly at the kitchen bar, her phone pinging each time she receives a new text. I’m mentally and emotionally spent, but these silent tears won’t cease.

Minutes pass in a daze before I hear the door open. “Where is she?” Nikolai’s worried voice fills me whole.

“Sleeping,” Katya says. “I think she may leave, Nik.” The sound of his feet dies midway.

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