Page 67 of The Failed Audition

“Don’t bring her into your shit,” Nikolai cuts in. He gestures to me with two fingers, and when I approach him, he slips hishand in mine. I relax almost instantly, muscles loosening that I didn’t even realize were strained.

“She was my friend first,” Timo snaps. “Just think about that when you’re fu—”

Nikolai interjects with a bunch of Russian words. My eyes nearly pop out.He was going to say when you’re fucking.We’re not doing that. No. My neck heats.

No.

Timo huffs, more angrily, and then waves Nikolai off. If we’re being technical, I met Nikolai before any of them. I can’t say we were ever friends though.

Maybe a minute later, Nikolai disengages from his siblings, and I descend the staircase with him while they remain upstairs for a moment or two longer.

I can see the apologies in his eyes before he speaks. “I like your sister,” I tell him first. “She’s sweet.”

He’s taken aback, like no one has ever called Katya sweet before. “She’s still figuring things out,” he says.

“I get it,” I breathe. She’s trying to find herself. Some days I still wonder if I’ve found me. Maybe we never stop searching. Maybe we evolve the way seasons change, seamlessly without really knowing, not until all the leaves have fallen.

This is who I am today.

Tomorrow I may be the same.

But in years, I’ll be someone else. Someone I may like more. Someone I may like less. And that’s okay. Because I’m still living.

“What are you thinking?” Nikolai asks, lifting my chin as he stares down.

I just give him a weak smile. “What time should I wake up for training?”

“Early,” he says, dropping his hand. “I have a show at two tomorrow.”

I nod, knowing his schedule well enough. I’m about to go to the couch and plop down for the night when he catches my arm.

“About Dimitri.” He pauses. “I’ve known him since I was a little kid, and he’s always been this way. I just take him for what he is. I promise he won’t affect your training.”

I feel like we’re skirting around something deeper. It can’t be all about training. So I throw it out there, “No boyfriends, right?”

His features harden. “Don’t sleep with him.”

My eyes widen. “I wouldn’t…date your cousin.”

“I didn’t say date.”

“Nikolai—”

He turns his head from me, his jaw muscles contracting. “Never mind. I shouldn’t…I have no say in who you have sex with. You can do what you—”

“I’mnotgoing to sleep with him,” I say assuredly. “Even if he wasn’t your cousin, I’m not remotely attracted to Dimitri.” I’m just saying whatever feels right, and surprisingly going with the moment helps.

Nikolai’s tense shoulders lower some, and he faces me. Saying nothing else. He seems conflicted, confused, knee-deep in a gray area that I’ve grown accustomed to.

I clear my throat to break the silence. “Yeah…so there’s that.”

“You have better judgment than most then.” He searches my eyes for clarity. I have no more answers than him. When he realizes this, he adds, “I’ll see you in the morning, Thora.”

Then he hesitates for a moment, and I wonder if he’s going to kiss me. Even my cheek or forehead. Something. He leans closer like he may.

At last second, he simply releases my arm, and he leaves my side. My life has never felt more complicated, but this is a complication that I’d rather exist than not have at all.

ACT NINETEEN

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