Page 30 of The Failed Audition

“I wouldneversay that,” John grumbles. He sips his energy drink while Camila huffs.

“If you hate it here,” she says, “then why haven’t you left?”

“Because I’m clearly insane like the rest of you.” He raises his Lightning Bolt! in cheers.

I return to the computer, the flight arrival times blurring together. In my heart, I know that I want to stay—no matter how frightening that idea seems. No matter how much I’m risking. Thewhat ifwill haunt me for the rest of my life. I wonder if I’ll be fifty-years-old, looking back at today and wishing I had the courage to take the path less traveled. The one without security and family.

I lick my dry lips and clear my throat. “How much easier will it even be to get a job in a club?” I ask Camila. Those have to be hard to come by too.

Camila perks up now that I’m entertaining her idea. She points at John and waves her finger likeohh ohhh.“John, you must know someone who’s hiring.”

“No more than you.” He slouches further and spins a peppershaker.

“Hey.” She snaps her fingers. “Thora needs help, and you know everyone at The Masquerade, Bellagio, and Cosmopolitan.”

My eyes grow big. “Really?” I figured out that John likes to listen to himself talk. But I didn’t realize that he was Mr. Popular. At the blackjack table, those frat types never showed up, but a group of elderly women did, and they bantered back and forth with him for a solid two hours. Even sullen and surly, he’s somehow incredibly endearing.

“No,” John snaps, like his cousin is lying. “That’s a complete gross exaggeration, Camila.”

She gives him a look and shifts her gaze to me. “He’s a social butterfly and refuses to acknowledge it.”

“I’m not a fucking butterfly,” he says under his breath. Louder, he snaps, “I hateeveryone.Sure, I have people’s numbers, but only because they hang around and talk and talk and won’t shut up. I’m not a cardboard cutout that says:please dump your life story on me.But people fucking do it anyway.”

“Nowyou’reexaggerating,” Camila retorts. “Your pessimistic, cynical-self talks more than everyone else. And you like when people listen to you complain.” She points at him again. “The point is that you must know someone looking to hire a female acrobat.”

He shakes his head vehemently for maybe a full minute before he says, “Yeah, probably.”

Camila throws her hands in the air like she just ran through the finish line of a 5k. “So you’ll help, Thora?”

I realize now that my stomach has been coiling.If he’s willing to help me, I’ll stay.The thought hits me at once. It’s another bout of hope, something that makes this decision a bit easier. Not by much. But I’ll take anything.

The table vibrates.

Any news?– Shay

I ignore that text too.

When I look up, John is scrutinizing me and the phone. He takes pity on me, sighing into a full-on groan. “Fine,” he says, “I’ll make a couple calls.”

My body swells, and my eyes burn with tears. “Really?”

“Please don’t cry,” he grimaces.

I smile instead. “Thank you…so much.”

“You can stay here until you find a place,” Camila tells me with a wink.

Maybe I am lucky after all.

I pick up my phone as it buzzes once more.

Sis, did you make it?– Tanner

I can’t fathom opening these floodgates of disapproval. If I tell Tanner, he’ll tell my parents. Lying to them hurts less. I’ve never done it before, but I just want to be the kind of daughter they’re proud of. Not the one they cringe about when someone brings me up.Is your daughter in college?

No, she dropped out.

I don’t want to saddle them with judgment from their peers.

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