Page 105 of The Failed Audition

His chest rises and falls.

We’re quiet for a moment, and I watch him unbutton the last of my shirt. He takes a couple steps back from me, my spine digging into the sink’s lip.

Standing still, my black shirt is partially open, revealing the sides of my breasts and my wet orange panties. He has trouble focusing on my face and not my body, his concentration on more pleasurable things than this talk.

I have to know. I’m afraid I’ll never grow the courage to ask again. “Why is she so complicated?”

He combs both hands through his hair, pushing the longer strands back. “Because…” He holds my gaze. “She was my partner.”

“What?” My face falls.

“Tatyana Ulanova.”

My mind rotates a million miles per hour, tilting, back-peddling, and out of all thoughts, the first I land on is soinsignificant. “I thought it was Tatyana Ulanov, not Ulanova?” Maybe I begin with this because it’s the easiest to touch.

“It’s Ulanova. Whoever told you Ulanov was wrong.” He rubs his jaw. “In Russian, surnames change according to whether you’re male or female.”

My face twists as I process this. “But Katya and you are both Kotova…wait, is that even your real last name?”

He tries hard not to smile.

“It’s not funny,” I say. “I don’t evenknow your name.”

“Yes you do, myshka. Tatyana is a Russian citizen, but I’m not. Those of us born in the United States had to take the same family name, by law. For whatever reason, they agreed on Kotova, not Kotov.” He casually adds, “It’s a sore subject with my father, considering he speaks very little English and holds Russian customs to a high standard. To the rest of us, it’s just a name.”

I bet Tatyana knew all of this about him.Of course she did, Thora. She’s Russian.I’m at a disadvantage with a girl that I’ve never met. What’d he say about her? She’s the best in her discipline. At aerial silk. She can communicate with him, in any language. And she probably fits better with him. Physically.

I tremble, cold sweeping my limbs, my wet shirt like ice.

“Thora…” He nears again, about to undress me. To warm me.

I press my palms on his chest again to stop him. “Just let me think…”

“She’s out of the picture.”

“She was injured,” I remember. “Shegot hurt, Nikolai.” I shield my wince with my hands and groan. “Is that why you broke up?”

Girl sustains a career-ending injury.

Girl no longer works with Guy.

Guy breaks up with Girl.

Girl leaves Vegas.

It seems callous on Nikolai’s part, to desert a girl after something traumatic. Who am I really with?

He rubs his eyes like the memory is still raw. It shouldn’t still be raw, right? That makes me the…

“Rebound,” I whisper. “I’m your rebound.”

Nikolai drops his hand and cocks his head likeyou’re so wrong.“No. We broke up two months before she was injured. I was with her for three years romantically, longer professionally, but the feelings I have for her now are…” As he tries to find the right word, his face slowly contorts in a cringe, and he pinches the bridge of his nose. And then shakes his head.

“Your feelings seem to be strong,” I breathe, crossing my arms for warmth. I shake some.Stop shaking, Thora.

“Not in the way you think.” His voice is harder, more powerful. He shuts off the bath and then walks over to me, wanting so badly to take me out of the wet clothes. “You’re freezing.”

“I just need to process this with clothes on.”

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