Page 11 of Flirting with the Scrooge

“Why? Then you would miss out on this view.” Olivia sips her glass of wine as she stares out my bay window.

“For the past two days, he’s been going out there to chop wood. Of course, he gets too hot and needs to strip out of his coat. Somehow, he can make taking off a coat sexy. And don’t get me started on what he has on underneath. His long sleeve shirt forms to his body like a second skin. Muscles bulging and flexing with each swing of the axe.” I leave out the part where he’s entered my dreams for the past two nights. Like the dream where he has to chop down a tree in order to save me, Tarzan style. Obviously, the only way he can do that is shirtless. In my dreams there’s no smart mouth, glaring looks, slamming doors in my face, or stealing Christmas trees. In fact, he doesn’t even speak a word. If only he were like that in real life.

“Two days! And you’re just telling me this now!? I see how it is, saving all the good stuff for yourself.” She softly bites down on the rim of her glass.

“What are you talking about? You have a boyfriend.”

“Ledger knows whose bed I’ll be crawling into tonight. Plus, this is recon. For you.” She nudges me with her elbow, pulling out her phone and snapping a picture.

“What are you doing?”

“Taking a picture.”

“You can’t just take photos of people.”

“I’m not going to post it on the internet. Parisa wanted to see what he looks like.” She shrugs.

“Yeah okay. Whatever you say.” Simultaneously, we spin around, swallowing a sip of our wine as we stare out the window.

“Damn. He’s going inside. Guess that fun is over.” She does a half turn away from me and freezes. She tilts her head to the side. “What’s wrong with your tree?”

“Nothing.” I grit my teeth.

“No, something is definitely wrong.” Olivia bends down and twists the base, spinning the base of the tree. “Oh. My. God.”

I guzzle the last of my wine.

She bursts into laughing tears. “Your tree has a mullet! It’s all party in the back.” She waves her hand over the tree. “And it’s balding in the front,” she screeches between fits of giggles. She doubles over, almost falling to the floor as she tries to catch her breath.

I roll my eyes. “It’s not that bad.” Truth be told, it’s worse than bad. Not even the extra pine garland I wrapped around the branches helped. It now resembles a bad comb over.

“Oh yes, it is!” she spits out between laughs.

“Fine.” A ghost of a smile plays on my lips. “It’s terrible. My tree belongs in the eighties. I should just decorate it in a florescent track suit.”

“You can get a leg warmer for the trunk.”

“And a sweat band instead of a star.”

“Instead of Christmas music you need a montage of Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, and The Bangles.” Olivia dances around my living room while singing “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.” When she’s done, she drops onto the couch. “How did this happen?”

Plopping down next to her, my wine sloshes in the glass but doesn’t spill, and I exhale a sigh. “When I was at the tree farm, Connor got me so flustered I just grabbed the first one I saw so I could get out of there. I knew it wasn’t perfect, but I wasn’t expecting it to be this bad.” I wave my hand over the tree.

She bolts upright. “Wait? Connor? Your ridiculously hot neighbor? You went tree shopping with him?”

“No! I went by myself, and he just so happened to show up, too. Like a stalker.”

“Isn’t that like the third time he’s just showed up where you are?”

“Fifth. But who’s counting.” Besides the shoveling incident, the tree incident, and getting coffee at Roasters, I’ve also run into him at the gas station and while getting my mail. I scrunch my nose and tap my chin as I get a lightbulb moment. “I should get him back.”

“Get who back for what?”

“Connor. For stealing my tree.”

“And what are you going to do? TP his house?” She laughs. “Oh! Are we going to build a snow dick in his yard?” A wicked grin spreads across her lips.

“No, but since he’s so averse to having any holiday spirit, I could give him some of mine. And I have pink spray paint.” I swipe the can off the counter. The little ball rattles inside as I give it a shake.

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