Page 9 of My Heart To Heal

‘That guy?’ He grimaces, ‘He fuckin’ wishes she was his, but nah, she’s single.’

‘Doesn’t matter.’ I shrug. ‘Rightfully, she thinks I’m an asshole.’

Doug knows when to drop a subject, so he doesn’t say anything more, raising his own cup to his mouth instead, and I enjoy the quiet.

‘We should hang out more.’ I meet his gaze, and he laughs. ‘I’m not asking to braid each other’s hair and have sleepovers, but we were so close once upon a time, and now we’re both back here, but we don’t hang out one-on-one. We should.’

I nod. I would like that.

‘Yeah, that would be good.’

‘And you’re paying for the damage to Missy’s car.’ He raises an eyebrow, and I nod.

‘I know. Give her my number, and we can get it arranged.’

I get home feeling a little better. Spending some time with Doug and making plans to hang out this week felt good. We were so close once upon a time —having my friend back in my life feels like the first real step toward feeling like I can still fit in here.

I put my keys and phone down on the side table, kick off my shoes, and I’m about to grab a drink when my cell vibrates, and I pick it up.

Unknown:Hi, it’s Missy. Doug sent me your number and said you are going to pay for the damage. I’m taking my car to the shop tomorrow. Should I get them to send you the bill?

Wow, she does not mess around. I kind of like that she’s straight to the point. I quickly save her contact before replying.

Me:Give them my number, tell them to call, and I’ll pay them over the phone.

Missy:Thank you.

I want to say more. Something in me is tempted to rile her up in some way, tell her I’m only paying half, something to make the conversation continue, but I don’t. For once in my life, I see my out, and I take it, choosing not to reply because there’s nothing more to be said.

‘Lincoln, please,’ I callout into the waiting room, and Tessa Wood stands with a tiny puppy.

‘Hey, Tessa, come on through.’ I reach out for the puppy, and she hands him over. ‘So, this is Lincoln, huh?’

‘Yeah, isn’t he so cute?’ I nod my agreement while I start to perform my puppy checks.

‘Any concerns with him?’

‘No, Nick,’ she giggles, ‘he’s fine.’

Puppy checks are my favorite part of my job. Who doesn’t love puppies, right? These appointments, aside from the vaccinations causing a little fuss from time to time, come without stress or worry. They’re a little bundle of fluffy energy and happiness, and checking their ears, eyes, and teeth is the highlight of my day.

‘He’s a good-looking dog, Tessa.’ I smile as I hand him back to her and turn to get the vaccination ready.

‘Yeah, he’s so sweet. I needed somebody there, you know, because I’m alone now.’ Oh, here it is. I had noticed this was the longest Tessa had ever gone without hitting on me,and I was almost a little disappointed she was breaking the trend. ‘You ever get lonely, Nick?’

‘I like my own company.’ I smile politely.

‘Yeah, but there’s only so much you can do for yourself, right?’ She giggles, and I mean, I don’t disagree. ‘Maybe you and I can hang out sometime, cure the loneliness a little.’

I meet her gaze and see very clearly how she plans to do that. It’s not that Tessa’s unattractive. She’s a couple of years older than me, the same age as Bree and Zoe, and she’s nice enough, but honestly, she scares me a little, always has. She’s pretty intense. She’s the kind of woman who moves from serious relationship to serious relationship, and if I thought she could keep it casual, I might be tempted, but I know I’d wake up the next morning to find her considering how her things would fit into my closet, and Lincoln here would be calling me daddy… okay I mean, he’s a dog so he wouldn’t, but you get my point.

‘I’m okay, Tessa. Not lonely.’ I scratch Lincoln behind his ears for being such a good boy. ‘If you see Lynnie, she’ll get him booked in for his next set.’

I smile as I open the door, and she presses her lips together in frustration as she leaves the room. I shut thedoor before dropping down into my chair and leaning back to stare up at the ceiling.

It’s not that I’m opposed to getting laid. I enjoy sex, and it’s been a while, and Tessa was right — there’s only so much I can do for myself… and I’m doing a lot for myself. I’m doing so much for myself that if I had sex with a woman, my hand would accuse me of cheating. It’s just that to have sex, I need to either drink enough to connect with somebody in a bar or club, or I need to be past that initial stage and comfortable enough with them that they see the real me.

I don’t want to keep having drunk sex for the rest of my life, and the only women in my life right now — aside from my own mother — who know the real me are Bree, Zoe, and their mom, Lynnie. I shudder at the thought. Lynnie is an attractive older lady, but she’s like a second mom to me, and the twins are like my sisters.

---