Page 88 of My Heart To Heal

‘I’m good.’ I frown without meaning to, just as she looks up at me. ‘Really, I am. I think I needed to relive all that shit to realize how strong I am — to know that I can move forward.’

‘It’s a lot.’

‘It is, and I am going to get some therapy.’ She smiles, not showing any teeth, but her eyes are bright and resolute. ‘I spent all this time keeping it all inside because it was scary and because the memories hurt. They made me panic, but I don’t want to live that way anymore.’

‘You’re amazing.’ I breathe, considering that I should probably think about doing the whole therapy thing myself.

She gazes out at the water, and I watch as the gentle breeze creates movement in her hair. I love how she let it dry naturally after her shower, making the usually soft,sleek, wavy hair curlier than I’ve seen it before.

‘Miss, why didn’t you want a relationship with me?’ I didn’t mean to ask the question that burst out of me. I think I know the answer already, but I want us to have this conversation.

She inhales deeply, then turns her gaze on me.

‘I was afraid.’

‘Of me?’

‘No,’ she shakes her head, ‘not in the ways I was afraid of him, but in other ways, you scare me.’

I don’t like that. I turn away, inhaling deeply.

‘I liked you immediately,’ she continues. ‘You’re hot, and you have averynice butt.’ A shocked laugh escapes me, and she grins. ‘I liked you so much that it scared me. I guess part of me was afraid I’d trust you too much, let you into my life, into Jonah’s, and you could turn out to be just like him, but mostly, I was afraid that we wouldn’t be enough for you long term. I couldn’t bear the idea of him loving you and losing you.Icouldn’t risk loving you and losing you.’

‘Missy, you do realize we’ve been in a relationship this whole time, right? I have no intention of ever breaking your heart — or his.’

I see my honesty hit home when she inhales deeply and her shoulders drop a little lower.

‘I was just so scared to let you get too close because losing you would be too hard, and Jonah losing you would be even harder. I was so determined to stick to that story that I missed it.’

She chews her lip as her eyes hold mine.

‘Missed what?’

‘This isn’t how we were supposed to have this conversation.’ She shakes her head. ‘We were supposed to have a nice dinner, wine, maybe even a fire and a meteor shower.’ She looks up at the bright blue afternoon sky, exasperated, and I huff out a laugh. ‘We weren’t supposed to talk about this with my lady porn on the table between us.’

I laugh out loud now, and she shakes her head, so I take my shot.

‘Miss,’ I hold out my hand for hers, ‘come here.’

Taking my hand, she stands, and my attention falls to the smooth skin of her legs as she makes her way to me and sits a little tentatively on my lap. Reaching under her knees, I lift her legs, pulling her body to me completely and curling her into my body. She smiles shyly as I reach up to cup her cheek with my hand.

‘What did you miss, honey?’

‘I missed that you were already too close. I missed that losing you was already going to be too hard. I missed that I was already in love with you.’

My nostrilsflare at her words, and I pull her forehead to mine.

‘And now?’

Her hand comes up to wrap around my wrist as she turns her head and presses her lips to the heel of my hand.

‘I’m in love with you, Nick,’ she whispers as though the words might scare us both away, but nothing has ever made me feel safer. I pull her forward, finding her mouth with mine, pressing my lips to hers in a tender kiss that seals the moment before I pull back and look into her brown eyes.

‘I’m so in love with you, Missy.’

‘Nick,’

‘Yeah?’

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