Page 81 of My Heart To Heal

‘Of course.’ He nods yes. ‘I can leave?’

‘No,’ I say in a panic. ‘Stay, please.’ I meet his gaze and hope he can see that I don’t want to be away from him. With a soft smile, he makes his way over to me and takes the seat next to me and then my hand. I notice Bree’s attention drop to the connection before she raises her gaze to my eyes, and the questions begin.

‘Will he get out?’

Nick grits out the question as we all stand, and Bree prepares to leave. I told her — and because he was there, Nick — everything. Every single thing that man subjected me to. Nick wrapped his arm around my shoulders and white-knuckled the edge of the table with the other hand.

‘I’m going to do mydamndest to make sure he doesn’t, honey. Your honesty here,’ she gestures to the notes she just took, ‘makes for pretty fuckin’ disgusting reading. I’m a small-town police chief, so I can’t make you any promises, but I’m going to make some calls, and I’ll do everything I can.’

I appreciate her candidness, and I gratefully accept as she opens her arms to pull me into a hug.

‘Something tells me he wouldn’t get within a hundred feet of you and Jonah even if he did.’

She releases me and nods toward Nick and I give a small smile in response, but I can’t relax into it, knowing there are no guarantees.

As I close the door and turn, Nick paces away from me and toward the bedroom without a word. The door closes behind him, and I stand still for a moment before following.

When I get there, I find him folding laundry way more aggressively than I’d expect or than the task dictates.

‘Nick,’ I say softly from the doorway, but he doesn’t answer. I watch as he folds, unfolds, and folds again before throwing the jeans in his hands against the wall and making me flinch.

‘Sorry, shit, Miss. I’m sorry.’ The words rush out of him as he steps toward me, then away, and sits on the bed, his head in his hands.

I step toward him, moving until I find myself in front of him and lower to my knees so I can find his eyes with mine.

‘Honey,’ I say softly, reaching up for his hands.

‘I tried. I tried to stop him.’ He squeezes his eyes closed, forcing tears out from under his eyelids. I don’t speak. I can’t speak as my own tears well, and emotion steals my voice. ‘I begged him, time and time again to stop. I put my body in front of hers, but he just pushed me aside and beat me until I wouldn’t be a problem anymore. He knew my brother would protect me, pull me away, but nobody protected her.’ I can’t hold back my tears as I look up at the broken little boy in front of me. ‘She stayed, she always stayed. She could have got us out like you did for Jonah, but she refused. She would protect him even while she lay on the floor with torn clothes anda bloodied nose.’

I inhale shakily as I listen. I’ll never understand her not wanting to protect her son, but the rest, I get. I protected Bax. I hid his abuse from everyone, and I stayed.

‘I hate that he did those things to you, Missy.’

He reaches his hand up to my cheek, and his sad eyes hold mine.

‘I’m going to be okay.’

‘I know. You’re the strongest fuckin’ person I have ever met.’ His hand slides around to the back of my neck, and he guides me forward until I’m sitting on one of his strong thighs. ‘You already saved yourself,’ he says gruffly, looking me over with wonder in his eyes.

‘What?’ I ask, confused, reaching up my hand to his wrist.

‘I always thought I needed to save her, be a hero for her, and once I knew he hurt you, I wanted to be that for you, but you don’t need saving. You don’t need a hero. You got out, Missy —youdid that. I don’t need to save you. I just want to walk beside you.’

Inhaling deeply, I close my eyes and let his words sink in. I’m sore and exhausted from the trauma of last night. My head and shoulders ache with the tension of reliving the past.

‘Nick,’ I breathe, and he gets it.

‘We’ll circle back, honey.’

I bring my forehead to his, and we breathe the same air for a moment, and then it hits me. I don’t want to protect Bax the way Nick’s mom protected his dad. He doesn’t deserve it.

‘I want Jonah,’ I admit, and pulling back to look at me, Nick nods, then picks up his phone from beside him on the bed and texts Doug.

‘Is this wrong?’ I ask as I pace the floor in my apartment as Nick watches me from my sofa.

‘Is what wrong?’

‘Letting him see me like this.’ I gesture to my face, thankful that Nick’s hoodie hides the bruises around my neck.

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