Page 79 of My Heart To Heal

Walking Missy over to the basin I tell her to sit as I grab a towel and wrap it around her shoulders, then gently encourage her to lean back. I turn on the water and, using skills I haven’t even thought of in so long, I gently wash her new shorter hair, massaging her scalp, replacing his touch with mine as she lays there, eyes closed, tears slowly making their way out from under her eyelids.

I turn off the water and squeeze moisture from her hair into the towel before taking her hand again and bringing her back to the chair. I brush her hair, and as I reach out for the scissors once more, her hand comes to my wrist, and she looks up at me. Her eyes are still sad, and I fucking hate that.

‘I’ve got you, honey.’

Without me giving her anything, she trusts me. He doesn’t try to stop me, removing her hand and letting me raise up the comb and scissors and start to shape the uneven bob into something as beautiful as she deserves.

‘It’s short.’ She reachesup to feel the hair at the back of her neck as we sit on my bed.

‘It is.’

‘You loved my hair.’

‘I still do. It was never about your hair, Miss.’ I smile, and she drops her gaze. ‘It’s just hair, honey. It’ll grow if you want to let it.’

‘I let him win.’ She swallows hard, and I shake my head.

‘No, you won, Miss. You stood tall, and you moved forward.’ I reach out for her hand.

‘But I cut my hair.’ She sobs as though it’s a disappointment, as though cutting her hair shows weakness.

‘You cut him out. He’s a thorn you removed, venom you sucked out. You won, Missy.’

‘Nick.’

‘I’ve got you. I told you that.’

Leaning back against the pillows, I open my arms to her, and she moves in, hugging her body to my side, her head and hand resting on my chest.

‘Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome.’

She wraps her arm around my waist,and I feel like a prick for loving it so much, but I missed this. ‘I didn’t know you knew how to cut hair.’

I release a small laugh. ‘I’ve been cutting hair since I was twelve.’

‘You keep surprising me.’

‘I hope so,’ I say softly. I really do.

‘Stay with me.’

‘Of course.’

‘I like you, Nick.’ Her voice is a whisper against my chest, and I lower my lips to the top of her head.

‘I like you too, sweetie.’

He Saw YouKeep Him Safe

Missy

I wish I couldenjoy this, I think, as I wake up in the way too big, far too comfy bed: Nick’s bed. I wish I could enjoy waking up in Nick’s bed, in his clothes, but the onslaught of memories and the pain in my body won’t let me do that.

Instead, I reach out on both sides, realizing I’m alone and tamping down the tendrils of panic.

I’m safe. Nick keeps me safe.

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