Page 72 of My Heart To Heal

She pulls away and turns to face me, taking my hand into both of hers.

‘No. I really didn’t ever think that, but I was also terrifiedto take the risk.’

I take a deep breath and blow it out. ‘You saw it in my dad, didn't you?’

‘Yeah,' she nods, 'I saw it in him when I heard it in you.’

‘He hit me, my mom too, still does with her.’

‘She won’t leave?’

I shake my head, no. ‘She never will.’ I meet her gaze once more. ‘How did you get out?’

‘Jonah.’ She smiles just a little. ‘Bax refused to look at him or talk to him, and one day, I just had enough. I just reached my limit and decided, no, he’s not growing up with this poor excuse for a man, so I kicked him out.’

‘And he actually left?’ I’m shocked that a man so twisted, so desperate for control, would let her make that decision.

‘Weirdly, yes. I think maybe he was looking for an out. He was as done with me as I was with him, but his parents made him stay and take care of his responsibilities.’ She laughs now, lightly, but it’s still beautiful. ‘The ass never lifted a finger to help or gave me a dime, but his mother gave her adult son an allowance to take care of his baby. She has no idea he drank and smoked and fucked it away.’

‘Does she know how he treated you?’

‘Yep,she helped me ice wounds more than once, but she made excuses for her golden boy every time.He’s tired, he’s stressed, blah fuckin’ blah.’

I hear my mom’s voice in her words. She defends my father in the same way, and I wonder if Bax grew up the way I did, with a dad who modeled the behavior he carried forward. Then I realize that I don’t give a shit how he grew up. I don’t give a shit if he dies a slow, painful death.

‘Did he ever hurt Jonah?’ The idea has my jaw tight and my fists clenched.

‘No, not in any way. He was a baby when I kicked him out. I was an idiot, and I took him back for a short period about a year and a half ago.’ I feel my eyebrows lower as I meet her gaze. ‘Nick, please don’t look at me that way.’ She hangs her head, and I look away, hating myself for my judgment.

‘Sorry, I just…’

‘I had nobody. All my friends left me when I got pregnant with his baby, and my grandpa was taking care of Roberta after she got sick. I was in a dip of loneliness, and he showed me the guy I first met. He was so sorry, he was working on himself, and, yeah, I was an idiot to believe that would last. He didn’t even make it a month, but this time, he wasn’t going to get a chance to do it again. He was out once and for all, and Ireally haven’t seen or heard much from him in that time.’

‘He doesn’t see Jonah?’

‘Hasn’t for months. For a while, his parents would come and pick Jonah up, and I think Bax would see him. Every time he asked to see him, we’d arrange something, and he wouldn’t show, so I stopped trying, and so did he.’

‘Why did you try?’

She pushes up off the sofa and stands, pacing away from me.

‘His parents have money. They said they would fight for custody of Jonah if I ever tried to stop them or Bax from seeing him. So, I tried to make it work to keep him with me. They don’t try to see him often andhimeven less, so it’s been okay.’

‘So that’s how he knew where you were?’

‘I gave them my address so they could send Jonah’s Christmas gifts.’

‘So, what now? What happens this weekend?’

I’ll be here, by her side, ready. That motherfucker isn’t haven’t a second alone within a twenty-foot radius of Missy or Jonah.

‘I doubt he’ll be back. Tonight was a display of control for him. He heard where I was and needed to see that fear in my eyes to fill up his cup. He got what he wanted. Jonah isn’t it.’

‘But ifhe does…’

‘I don’t know, Nick.’ She shrugs, and I hold out my hands, encouraging her back to the sofa. ‘Bree has a friend in family law. I know she was helping Doug out when Jessie was causing him trouble with Bo. I can try and talk to her.’

‘Are you going to tell the girls everything you just told me?’

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