Page 62 of My Heart To Heal

‘Nick?’ She smiles softly,tilting her head a little, and it seems to push me into action.

‘Miss,’ I swallow hard, then nod as I tell myself I have to do this. ‘You know I’ve loved spending time with you, right? Jonah, too.’

‘Okay.’ Her eyes flicker with uncertainty, and I shake my head. Don’t fuck this up, Nick.

‘Just hear me out.’ I step closer, bringing my hands to her arms and feeling her relax a little with my touch. ‘I think it’s time we accept that this thing between us isn’t casual.’

Her gaze holds mine for just a second more until she lowers her attention to the space between us.

‘I want more, Miss.’ My voice is soft, and she nods.

‘Yeah, I get it. I guess I knew you would at some point.’ She won’t look up, and it guts me. ‘We’ll still be friends, right?’

She smiles up at me softly, and it takes me a minute to catch her meaning. She thinks I want more with somebody else.

‘Miss.’ I shake my head. ‘With you,’ my voice is soft, ‘I want more with you.’

I hear her sharp intake of breath and feel her tense under my hands.

‘Nick, I…’

‘You said casual. I know you set that boundary, and I respect that, but if I don’t tell you this now, Iwill be forever pissed at myself. Spending this time with you, hanging out, laughing, getting to know Jonah, all of what we share, Miss, it’s the best thing I ever had. I don’t ever want to lose that, and I want to be able to tell the world what I have. I want to be with you, really, officially with you.’

‘No.’

The word is like a slap in the face. I didn’t expect that bluntness.

‘Miss…’

‘No, Nick. I can’t. I don’t want a relationship. I told you that.’ She backs away, and in the dim light, I see her eyes widen. She resembles the scared animals I treat every day, and it guts me.

‘I know, Missy,’ I speak softly, treading carefully. ‘I know, but come on, you have to admit that this feels like more.’

‘No. I was very clear: casual, that’s all. You agreed. You didn’t want a relationship either.’

‘I know, I said that, but I—’ I take a breath, this is not going the way I thought it would. ‘I…I just said that because I didn’t want you to walk away.’

She steps back quickly, her eyes holding mine, but there’s no warmth there. She glares at me now, betrayal etched on her expression.

‘You lied to me.’

‘I know, I did, but it was only beca…’

‘No, Nick.’ Her voicetrembles as she steps back further. ‘You lied to get what you wanted from me. You lied to fuck me.’ Shit,no no no. This is not happening.

‘Missy, that’s not it, that’s not—’ I huff out a breath.

‘I trusted you,’ she says the words so softly, but they hold so much weight. ‘I thought you were different, but you’re not. You wanted to fuck me, and you thought you were going to miss out on that, so you lied to me. You made me think we were on the same page when we never were. I let you into my home, my bed. I let you get close to my son, and all this time, you were using me, manipulating me.’

‘What? No, Missy. I wasn’t, I…’

‘I set boundaries, Nick. You just said you respected that, but that was a lie. You don’t respect my boundaries. You used a loophole to get around them.’

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. She’s right, I didn’t see it that way, but she’s right, and I know when I wordlessly hold her watery gaze that I fucked this up way worse than I ever thought I was going to.

‘I’m going inside to get my jacket and my purse, and then I’m leaving. Don’t follow me, Nick. You need to leave me alone.’

I grip the railing in front of the bar and stare out at the empty street as Missy heads inside, then stormsback out and past me without a word. I watch her walk away and hang my head, ashamed and feeling a sense of loss I have no right to, but I can’t shake anyway. I lost her. I lost them.

---