Page 27 of My Heart To Heal

‘Hey, brother.’

I clap a hand on Doug’s shoulder before sitting opposite him at what’s become our table at the bar.

‘Hey.’ He eyes me curiously as I pick up the bottle he slid across the table toward me. ‘You’re not looking particularly festive, man.’

I shake my head. ‘I upset Missy. Jonah, too.’

His brow furrows. I know this is a conflict for him. Just like everyone else, Doug has taken Missy in as family. She’s like a sister to him, and he’s the most protective brother I ever met.

‘You want to elaborate?’

‘I keep doing it. You’ve heard us, and you’ve seen the way we are with each other. I just can’t stop thisfeeling of being pissed off with her all the time when she’s done nothing wrong.’

I rub a hand over my face, feeling the evidence of my frustration in the fact that I forgot to shave this morning.

‘So, what are you pissed off about?’

I take a breath. I know I’m about to sound pathetic.

‘The shop, the apartment. The way my dad fuckin’ smiles at her and acts like he’s just a stand-up guy.’ Shaking my head, I exhale as I wait for him to laugh or call me a dick — anything, but he doesn’t. The silence is worse. ‘It’s not her fault. I guess it just seals the deal, you know. That dumbass kid in me that still wanted his fucking approval despite everything. I thought when Clint died, maybe he would realize he still had a son left, and he would try to fix things between us, plus, I guess I always just assumed he would definitely leave it to me with Clint gone. He sold it all without a word, and then he shows up, telling her how excited he is forhernew venture,herfresh start when he still can’t say he’s proud of me.’

I can’t bring myself to look at him. I feel like a twelve-year-old boy, still seeking the love and validation of a man I don’t even respect.

‘Your dad is a prick.’ I flick my eyes up to meet his. ‘He hides it well. He puts on a show of being a perfect guy, a pillar of the community, but we know better — we saw who he really is.’ I take a swig from my bottle and think about all the times Doug, Leo, and Luke would hear him yelling at me and worse, all the times they would leave their bedroom windows open for me to climb in whatever time I needed, all the times they would lie to him and tell him they hadn’t seen me while I hid in their rooms. ‘I’m going to tell you two things, Nick, and I need you to hear them. One, your dad does not deserve the energy you’re spending on being angry at him. You need to let it go. Let him go. And two, Missy doesn’t deserve to bear the brunt of your misdirected anger. You need to apologize and make it right.’

I nod my head. I know he’s right about all of it. I just have no idea how to do it.

On Your Knees

Missy

‘Doesn’t eat fucking cookies.’

I stomp around the apartment, picking up toys and crayons and cleaning up the mess we left in the kitchen, all the while going over it in my head. All of it. Not just tonight.

Although tonight has me blowing smoke.

Nobody needs that much sugar,my ass. Maybe a little sugar in his life would make him nicer. That’s the fourth time I’ve had that thought, even saying it out loud as we stomped to my car on the way to take cookies to Bree at work and then Cara’s house.

The worst part, the part that’s driving me crazy, is that the girls were right. Nick is attracted to me. I see it. While he was saying no to the cookies, he was looking at me like he wanted to eat me instead, butnooo, instead of making a goddam move, he’s a rude, obnoxious ass to me.

I imagine, just for the tiniest of seconds, him making a move, him eating me instead of thecookies…no, Miss!You are done with men who make you feel shitty.

And he does make me feel shitty. That I could almost deal with, but him disappointing Jonah, no way. He was so upset that Nick didn’t want the cookies, and it broke my heart.

I managed to calm him down by saying we would make Nick some cheese twists instead — that way he can’t complain about sugar.

Asshole.

‘Ugh.’ I growl, frustrated, as I put away the dishes and feel a little silly. Something about trying to rage clean quietly so you don’t wake your child diffuses things a little. I want to be mad, but I also want my evening to be peaceful.

In between the songs playing the soundtrack to my mood, I hear his door from the hallway, and I glare in the direction of his apartment. I’ve half a mood to storm over there and demand he tell me what’s crawled up his ass, but I don’t trust myself with him. I want to hate him. I should hate him, and part of me does, but the other part, she’s horny and neglected, and she really liked the five o’clock shadow he was sporting today.

‘Ugh.’ I growl a little louder now. What is wrong with me? Being treated like shit by Bax wasn’t enough for me?

Taking out a glass and reaching for the bottle of wine I opened last night, I pour and take a large gulp. I need to understand what his problem is. It’s eating at me.

I look down at my body in a large T-shirt and boxer shorts because they’re comfy as fuck. Not like this, I think. I can’t stomp over there demanding an explanation looking likethis.

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