Page 1 of My Heart To Heal

Nothing But Relief

Missy

FiveYears Ago

‘You’re pregnant.’

It wasn’t a question, but I answered anyway.

‘I am.’ I swallowed hard, not knowing what reaction to expect.

‘Marissa.’ The tone was pitying. ‘Oh, honey. I’m sorry.’

Sorry? I narrowed my gaze and tilted my head as I met my best friend’s eye. ‘Em, I’m happy about this.’

Her lips parted, her eyes widened, and she shook her head.

‘Missy, you’re not married. You live with your grandparents and don't even start me on your boyf…’

‘He’s happy too.’

I cut her off defiantly. I didn’t want to hear what she had to say. I knew it all. I knew damn well there was no ring on my finger. Iknew I was currently living with my grandfather and his wife, but that was temporary, and my boyfriend, well, he was...

It would be okay. I was sure it would be okay.

‘Happy? He’s happy?’ Emerson stood abruptly, picking up her purse. ‘Missy, I love you, I do, but if you have a baby with that fool, you will regret it for the rest of your life.’

‘He’s trying, Em,’ I lied, and she laughed.

‘Missy, the only thing that man is trying to do, is reduce you to a shadow of yourself or make you disappear beneath fresh bruises while he screws every woman in a fifty-mile radius.’ I pulled back as though she’d slapped me, not because what she said was a shock but because she actually said it. She blew out a breath. ‘You know it’s true, we all do. We see you, Miss. Don’t do this.’

Then, without another word, she turned away and left.

Emerson wasn’t the only one of my friends to dislike Bax; they all had, but she was the only one I had left.

One by one, over the time he and I had been dating, they had all cut me loose after trying and failing to get me to walk away. I just couldn’t seem to do it — he wouldn’t let me do it, and I didn’t want to be alone again.

I think it came from losing my parents and grandmother when I was so young; we were driving home from the hospital where we’d been visiting my grandpa, who’d just had surgery, when a drunk driver hit us from the side. My mom and Gram died instantly. Daddy and I were taken back to the hospital, and he died in surgery, but my car seat saved my life. I was only two at the time, so I don’t remember any of it or any of them.

My mom’s parents came to take care of me until Grandpa Ellis was out of the hospital, and then they left, only to be heard from on birthdays and holidays. He was all I had, and I would never abandon him.

The problem was that all of that left me with a crippling fear of being alone which meant even though I knew Bax wasn’t good for me, even though I knew he was a violent, cheating, abusive son of a bitch, I couldn’t seem to walk away.

I felt my shoulderstense as I forced a smile in Bax’s direction when he walked into our little apartment. We’d finally got a place of our own just before Jonahwas born. It meant I had to go straight back to work to pay for it since Bax was between jobs, but Grandpa and his wife Roberta were a godsend and took the baby every day.

‘Hi, honey.’

He didn’t say anything or look in my direction, and I was used to that, but when he walked straight past his son in his little bouncy chair, my patience ran thin, and my nerves ran wild.

‘Bax, say hi to Jonah.’

‘Why? He can’t understand it.’

‘He’s your son.’

‘He’s a baby. Babies don’t do nothin’.’

‘Bax.’ I started to tremble. I was terrified of his next move, but my baby meant more than anything he could do to me.

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