Page 99 of Legal

“I’m not.” I took a deep breath and forced out the rest of the words. My days of not allowing my feelings to shine through had to be over or else I didn’t stand a chance. “But I want to be. I… I’m in love with him.”

Mike stared at me, eyes bugged out. Then he threw his head back and started laughing. I drummed my fingers on the couch waiting for him to finish.

“Yeah, right, Jillian. You are not in love with him.”

I narrowed my eyes. “I’m glad you find this so funny because I’m completely serious.”

“I already told him he was wasting his time when he showed up that day. Why go backward and stir things up again? Just leave it be. If you want someone to take care of, you can do that with me.”

I gasped sharply, my stomach clenching. “What the fuck, Mike? Chase came over, and you kept that from me?” The rest of my body tensed when he shrugged as if it were nothing. I breathed through it. Nothing could change the past; I had to focus on going forward. “And I am not looking for someone to take care of. And if I were, Chase wouldn’t be the right guy. He’s been more mature than me over these past months. No, this has to do with love. That’s why I want to be with him.”

Mike sobered up, losing his joviality. He looked me dead on and said, “You are not parading your boy toy around our son. Think of what that would do to him.”

“Daniel is an adult now. He’ll understand, and if he doesn’t, that is not my responsibility. I don’t need his permission to be happy.”

“You are making a mistake, Jillian. You’re going to fuck everything up.”

I had a tiny flutter of doubt. Maybe Iwouldfuck everything up. Maybe Daniel would have such a problem with Chase that it’d pull us apart. Assuming, of course, that Chase even wanted me anymore.

It was worth the risk. I loved Daniel more than anything, but I felt the same about Chase. As Perry so fondly drilled into my head, this wasn’t the time to hold on to my stubborn ways. It could cost me a shot at true love.

“Then that’s my mistake to make. Good-bye, Mike.”

Ididn’t need to drive. I could have flown. The butterflies were working overtime, and all I would have had to do was let go of the wheel and float all the way there.

Shit, I was going to be sick.

But it was a good sick. A healthy anxiety reminding me how much I hoped for a good outcome. Oh, my God, what if he had another girlfriend already? I gagged down a wad of spit. My throat didn’t like that option. I had to push it away. Instead, I’d visualize the perfect scenario: I’d walk in, and he’d take me into his arms. I’d apologize, and he’d accept. Then we’d live happily ever after.

Yeah, that wasn’t working either. I couldn’t focus long enough to keep the positive vibes flowing. Something would interfere with my fantasy and blow it all to hell. Another woman, his realization that he’d been better off without me, the roof caving in. My mind was a jumbled pit of possibilities.

I parked in the lot and sat there. I hadn’t called first; this was not something for over the phone. I needed to look into his eyes when I talked to him. I glanced around, unsure of how to proceed. The school day would end soon, and I didn’t know if I should wait in the car or go inside. I hadn’t nailed down every detail of the plan.

In the end, I decided to go inside. I was afraid of missing him somehow, even with my eyes peeled to the front door. What if I blinked too long? Another option was waiting by his car, but what if he’d recently installed an alarm and I set it off and disrupted the whole school? I couldn’t stop conjuring up all these idiotic situations, but it all came down to nerves.

I was terrified to death that he wouldn’t forgive me, and my brain was trying to distract me long enough until I found out.

I pushed through the door and walked through groups of people milling about. Still a tiny school, but a much different atmosphere than during the summer. I blended in, which I was grateful for. I could have been any other parent picking up their child. The only attention I wanted drawn to me was Chase’s. I wanted him to acknowledge me first.

I went down to his classroom at the end of the hall, peeking in every window along the way in case he’d changed rooms. My pulse was a freaking bass drum, and I kept expecting someone to ask where that noise was coming from. Some doors were cracked open, some not, but the one at the end of the hall was.

The first thing that caught my eye was a sparkly pink guitar attached to a backpack on the floor. My heart did a little flip. The bag was propped against the desk where Hazel sat, head down and working on something intently. In fact, the entire class seemed occupied. I backed up, so I didn’t disturb them, and in doing so, I saw him.

His eyes were already on mine, no doubt noticing me before I’d noticed him. I wished to God I would have seen his first impression; it may have given me a spark of hope because based on the look he wore now, it wasn’t the reaction I was going for.

Or it could have crushed me completely, so maybe it was better for me not to know. My chest squeezed painfully. I couldn’t look away. How had I gone so long without staring into his flawless face? How had I let this beautiful soul walk away?

Everything moved in slow motion. I watched Chase set his pen down and quietly push away from his desk. He stood up and walked over with a silent strength that made me ache for him. He was once mine. Would he ever be again?

The energy zinged within me. I wondered if he could feel me as intensely as I could feel him. The connection was still there; I was sure of it. I wanted him to enforce that belief with a smile, a fiery glimmer in his green eyes, anything.

It didn’t happen. The closer he got, the further I sank. He was a watered-down version of himself, and that broke my heart.

“What are you doing here, Jillian?” His voice was low, his emotions flat. Not dissimilar to how I’d probably sounded that night right before I left his car.

“I’m following my passion.”

I hadn’t planned what to say; I didn’t rehearse conversations in my head beforehand. If I had, maybe I wouldn’t have been so speechless when he rejected me.

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