Page 85 of Legal

“I love you, Jillian.”

I closed my eyes. My heart pounded in my chest, trying to break free. Holy fuck. He can’t love me. He can’t love me because I love him back. And we both can’t be in love because there wasn’t enough music in the world to soothe that beast of a clusterfuck. This was not supposed to happen. What we had together was just a temporary arrangement.

“That’s not realistic, Chase.” I couldn’t even look at him. My insides had grown razor-sharp claws, and they were painfully stabbing me, digging away until there was nothing left. “We can’t just lie on a rock and hide out for the rest of our lives and watch the stars. That’s not real life.”

He was silent for so long I didn’t know what to do. Part of me had already died, and I was just waiting for someone to come along and finish off the rest of me.

“Congratulations,” he finally said. “You’ve found a way to scare me off.”

Did I say I was dazed? My accuracy rivaled that of a flunked-out meteorologist on crack. What I felt before was a gentle sprinkling of rain. Compare that to the cyclone destroying everything in its wake. I stood on my front porch, wondering how I’d gotten there. Just moments ago, he’d asked me to leave the car, and I had. No arguments. No complaints.

I fished my keys out of my purse and let myself in. Once the door was closed behind me, I heard him drive off. It was surreal being there without him. We should’ve been ripping each other’s clothes off, laughing about something that someone said earlier. Doing whatever.

Just not… this.

I plunked down on the couch, not bothering to turn on a light. There was no danger of crying; I was too far gone for that. I was more numb than anything. This day was bound to come eventually; it just came earlier than anticipated, that’s all. I already knew we were over before we started.

If I thought about it, he did me a favor. It would give me more time to get over him before Daniel came home. And now there was zero chance of suffering through the inevitable decline that came along with our type of arrangement.

Yes, I decided, curling into myself. This was a good thing.

Around two a.m., my phone rang. I hadn’t moved from that spot on the couch since I planted my butt there however long ago. I wasn’t keeping track of such things; my attention was dead weight. I was neither sleeping nor awake.

I removed it from the purse that was still flopped over on my lap and checked the screen. “Hi, Perry. What’s up?” I applauded myself for sounding normal.

“What’s wrong?”

Or not. I forced out a gurgled laugh. “Everything’s great.”

“Hmm… You don’t sound like it. And I don’t think I interrupted you in the middle of a sweaty session. Because if I did, you weren’t doing it right. You’re not breathing hard enough.”

“Nope.” That’s all I could manage to get out.

“Let me talk to Chase.”

My stomach recoiled as if it’d been punched. It didn’t matter if our breakup was a good thing; his name would probably still affect me for a while, along with everything else. No matter. It just gave me a better chance to fine-tune my sucking-it-up abilities.

“He’s not here.”

“Why the hell not?”

I sighed. “How come you’re calling? I thought you’d be busy with, uh, after-party activities?” I knew it was bad when I encouraged her to tell me things that would never allow me to look my brother in the eye again.

“Nice try. I’m coming over.”

“What? No. Aren’t you with Stephen? You just celebrated a big milestone together.”

“I have the rest of my life to be with him. You need me more right now.”

“Perry—”

I heard the hang-up beeps, and I threw my head back. If she wanted to come over, there was no chance in hell of stopping her. I scrubbed the pads of my fingers up and down my face hard enough to make a dermatologist cringe, but it felt so good.

I thought about getting up and turning on the light. I thought about doing a lot of things, but by the time I could decide on anything, she’d arrived.

Perry burst through the door and switched on a lamp, flooding the room with brightness. I squinted at her. “Hi,” I said.

“Hi.” She dropped her face within inches of mine. “Oh, thank God. And here I thought you two had a horrible fight and broke up or something.”

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