Page 61 of Legal

“You know, I dated one of those once. Engaged for a while too. Had a good twenty years on him.” Another wink. “You should listen to me. I speak from experience.”

My mouth widened. “Really?”

“Oh, sure.” Her eyes looked upward, and she ticked off her fingers. “Between Tom and Jim.”

“What happened?”

“Had to boot him out.” She covered Sasha’s ears with her hands. “Attention span of a puppy. Slobbering all over you one minute, bounding off the next and getting dirty. I got tired of cleaning up after his messes. Sure, he had the energy of a Jack Russell Terrier in the sack, but he just wanted someone to pick up after him. I decided I’d rather have someone take care of me instead.”

“Wow.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. My brain could not wrap around the image of her and…. Twenty years younger?Just when you think you know your neighbors.

“And after a while, even the bedroom romps got to be a nuisance. I got tired of him humping on me all the time. It was impossible to turn him off, and housecoats just got him hornier than a tree frog.”

Someone had wound her up and pulled her string, but I didn’t want to stop her. It was mesmerizing to me, like a horrific fifty-car pileup where everyone walked away unscathed.

“Housecoats?” I said.

Michelle brought Sasha onto her lap. “I just meant he liked ‘em older, made him frisky as hell. I shudder to think what would have happened if I’d started to wear orthopedic shoes.”

“Huh. It was different with my mother. My dad is younger than her. He had a… uh, hard time with her aging.” I didn’t want to get into it much more than that.

“What kind do you got?” she asked.

“I have no idea.” Was Chase like my father, or was he only after my wrinkles? And why did it even matter when this was a temporary situation?

“Well, you gotta figure it out. It’s the only way you’ll know how to get rid of him. You don’t want him continuing to hang around after you’ve given him his walking papers.” She scratched her chin. “But in the meantime, get as many facials as you can.” She winked. “You know what I mean.”

I scrunched my face. “No, I don’t.”

She made a handjob gesture. “Great for the skin. Make sure to rub it in good and leave on overnight. That young sperm has more of those antioxidants and stuff.” I opened my mouth and shut it. There were no words. “My advice? You—”

A rap on the kitchen window caused both of us to flinch. It was Perry, and I waved her in. I wasn’t expecting her today.

“Hey, what are you doing here? You remember—”

Perry nodded and smiled. “Yes. How’s it going, Mabel?”

“It’s Michelle.”

“Oh, right. Sorry. I had a break, so I thought I’d stop by and chat.” Perry only worked half a mile away.

Michelle stood up. “I need to get going anyway. It’s time to give Henry his pill.”

“Your dog?” Perry asked.

“My husband. Now remember, Jillian. As I was saying”—she finished her coughing fit—“milk him for all he’s worth. And I mean that literally and figuratively, darlin’. But when it’s time to settle down again, go for an older one. You won’t get the same kind of action, but you’ll be better off in the long run.” She shook her head and muttered, “I might as well be eighty for as much as he gets it up.”

Perry looked like she was biting the insides of her cheeks, and I shot her a dagger.Don’t even think about it.She held it in until Michelle left, then busted out laughing.

“Seriously, Jills?”

“What?”

“Tell me you’re not considering taking any advice from that woman.”

“She’s been through it before, Perry. It might not be the worst idea.”

“You make it sound like a disease.” She opened the fridge and pulled out a can of soda. “Speaking of, is she okay? I thought she was going to drop a lung on your floor.”

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