“It’s just that… I don’t know what to do, Jillian.” He raked his hands through his hair. “She’s pressuring me hard to get married, wants to start a family before it’s too late. If I don’t give her what she wants, what if she goes elsewhere?”
“The family thing is understandable, Mike.” I estimated her to be around my age, maybe a little older. It was hard to tell from her face because her lips got in the way.Be nice, Perry. But regardless, her eggs were ticking down. “And as far as marriage goes, it has been… uh, over a year.” Or more.
“I know all that, but I’m not ready for any of it. I don’t think I even want to start over again.”
“So, tell her that.”
He shook his head. “And I have a feeling that Daniel doesn’t like her too much, but he probably wouldn’t like anyone who isn’t you.”
I knew he didn’t, but I didn’t mention that. It wasn’t my style to kick a man when he was down. “You have to tell her how you feel, Mike. Don’t string her along just because you’re worried she’ll find someone else. That’s not right.”
“I don’t know why things can’t just stay the same. I let her move in with me. Isn’t that enough?”
“Apparently not. And she’s the one you should be asking these questions to.” Headlights sliced through the room when a car passed the house, making me think of the cherry red one in my driveway. “Is that her car you have tonight?”
He nodded. “Mine’s in the shop.”
“Where does she think you are?”
“At a friend’s.”
“Probably not the best to lie, don’t you think?” For both our sakes. I didn’t know Candace too well. What if she was a raving psychopath? Combine that with a scorned woman and you might as well start looking for a bodyguard right away, long before the dead bunnies started showing up on the front porch.
“That’s not a lie. Are we not friends, Jillian? Well, maybe not your definition of a friend….”
And here we go again.“We are not talking about this, Mike. Chase is none of your concern.”
“I disagree. He is because of Daniel.” I opened my mouth, but Mike cut me off before I could speak. “They’re the same age, Jillian.The same age. How would that look to Daniel? You have to think of him.”
I thrust my body forward and waved my bottle around. I wanted to thrash him upside the head with it. “Don’t you dare, Mike. You have no right to ever say I’m not thinking of our son. That’s all I’ve ever done. I raised that boy while you were gone all the time. I was more a part of his life than you were. So, don’t you dare.”
“I was going through residency, building my practice. I was working, Jillian. It’s not like I was cavorting around town.”
“You think I don’t know that? But to have the gall to say I need to think of him?” God, I was going to burst a vessel soon. I was so angry my eyes were crossing.
Mike raised and lowered his hands as if to tell me to calm down. I shot him death glares for it. “I’m sorry, I am. That all came out wrong,” he said quietly. “I couldn’t have done any of it without you, Jillian. I couldn’t have asked for a better mother for Daniel. No matter what, I’ll always love you for that.”
I felt myself deflate a bit, then drained the rest of my bottle. Everything was so fucked up. How could I be so attracted to Chase? What was wrong with me?
“I get it. I really do. It’s nice to have a distraction, and I know how much you miss Daniel.”
“That is not—”
“Please. I’m not attacking you. I promise.”
I crossed my arms. Why bother defending myself when he’d probably just cut me off again? Daniel was not the reason I liked Chase. Perry and I already went over that with the milk and cookie test. I did not want to mother him. I did not want to tuck him in at night and sing him lullabies. I did not want to change his diapers. I liked Chase for one reason and one reason only: Sex. Lots and lots of hard-pumping, breath-taking, toe-curling, slam-you-on-your-back-and-make-you-scream sex.
“It’s just that I care,” he continued. “I don’t want you to get in too deep. You know whatever you’re doing can’t last. It’s not long-term, and if you forget that, you might get hurt.”
“I’m going to bed.” I stood up and smoothed down my hair. “You can sleep it off on the couch. After that, I’d like you to leave.” I headed down the hall toward my room.
“Jillian—”
“Goodnight, Mike.”
I awoke to the sound of a car door slamming. I checked the time: 1:30 a.m. Rolling over, I watched the lights magnify through my window as Mike pulled out of the driveway. I was suddenly wide awake; it’d probably take me another good hour to fall back asleep.
The middle of the night was the worst for racing thoughts. They had nowhere to go except Crazytown. I couldn’t stop replaying all the events over the last three weeks. I met a guy who made me feel things I’d never felt, and he was all wrong.