Page 56 of Love, Luck & Clusterf*ck

“Then drunker.”

“Already was.”

“I need to tell you something so bad.” She let go and went for the bottle. “But I can’t. Not until you’re super drunk.” She held it up to my lips. “Drink.”

I tried reading the label but my eyes were loopy. “What is it?”

“Strawberry tequila.” I wasn’t a fan of the tequila. “Hurry up. You’ll like it.”

“What the hell.” My judgment was already impaired, which impaired my judgment further. Nasty, vicious cycle it was.

And that was how I’d quickly reverted back to my too-shitfaced-to-stand state. Several gulps later and my ass was on the floor. At least I didn’t have anywhere to be. I could fall asleep right there if I wanted.

“How’d you get home?” she asked, sprawled out with me.

“Stephen.”

“Did you fuck him?”

“What? No!”

“Are you going to?”

“No. What the hell, Christa?” She knew the whole temporary boss story. I’d told her everything the week before, and she’d agreed what a messed-up situation it was.

“Well, you should. You should fuck him a whole bunch of times.”

She held on to the couch and dragged herself up. Then she tried kicking it again but missed. She spun around and almost landed on my face.

“Christa, stop kicking stuff. I’m plastered, okay? My tongue is numb, so you can tell me now.”

“He’s a fucking asshole, Perry.”

“Who?”

“Dre.”

“Why?”

“You should fuck Stephen, because that’s what Dre would do.”

I didn’t know why I found that so frickin’ hilarious, but I began laughing so hard I had to lift my head so I didn’t choke on my own spit.

“What’s so funny?”

“I don’t think Dre would fuck Stephen. Blonds aren’t his type.” I found that even funnier, but then I turned woozy.

“No, Perry. Listen. Dre is cheating on you.Cheating. Fucking that skank trainer at the club.”

“What? No, he’s not.” The room started to tremble. Did they have earthquakes in Wisconsin?

“I said I wouldn’t bring it up again unless I had proof. He’s fucking cheating, Perry.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I have a feeling.”

“That’s not proof.”

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