Page 61 of Lyrical

“You’renot making sense.”

“And what if I would’ve said, ‘Sure. Let’s play that game of Russian Roulette.’ What then?”

“Then we would’ve had that conversation. Do you honestly think I would do anything to hurt you? Trick you into something you’re not ready for? As you said, I look out for you. I did downstairs while you were having a ‘heat of the moment.’ I knew how you’d worry to be uncovered and next to me, so I made sure that didn’t happen. And I would have done the same up here.”

“I would have snapped out of it before it got too far. I always do.”

“I know that, Jillian, but you tend to get scared before you even need to be. And I don’t ever want you scared with me.”

“I’m scared right now.”

“Oh, baby. Tell me what you’re scared of.”

He succeeded in hauling part of me over to him. I lay sideways with my upper half over his chest and the lower half safely to the bed. Yeah, I was a bit on the paranoid side, but so the fuck what? I needed that to feel comfortable.

“All this. Discussing something so foolish. This isn’t like you, Chase. Do you have some fetish I don’t know about yet? Does it excite you to take this kind of risk, to see how many times we can beat the odds? Because nothing could be more of a mood killer for me. This is my body you’re talking about playing with here.”

“Jillian, up. Look at me.” I picked up my head, and after all that time of trying to bring me closer, he was now lifting me off him. “How can you think that about me?”

I sat cross-legged next to him, a blanket pulled up to my chest. He didn’t seem to give a damn about covering himself. “I really don’t, Chase. I know that’s not you. You’re never careless with me. That’s what makes it all the more confusing why you want to do it now.”

He palmed the back of my head and kissed my forehead. “I love you. This isn’t about playing a game. This is about forever. There was nothing ‘heat of the moment’ about it. It was only about opening up the communication. That’s all, Jillian. Discussing the possibility of us creating a baby together. Not due to a risk, but a conscious choice.”

That’s all, Jillian?Holy. Fuck.

I was no longer scared. I was fucking petrified.

“Ho-ly fuck.”

“That’s what I thought.”

The rain pelted down on the roof of the car, and I watched as the fat drops splattered all over the windshield. What a sucky opening day.

“You think he really wants to have a baby with you? That’s major, Jills.”

“Well, I don’t think he was saying it as a joke.”

Stephen looked like he was having fun out there with Chris despite the downpour. He wasn’t going to let a little thing like water get in his way of tailgating. More power to him. I was nice and dry sitting with Perry, and would continue to be for another hour yet.

“I’m not sure how their grill’s not getting waterlogged,” I said. “That little tent doesn’t seem to be covering much.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“Do? What do you mean, about the tent?” I glanced out the window and only saw dark skies. It was supposed to clear up, but it appeared to be getting worse.

“No, Jills. If they want soggy brats, that sounds like a personal issue. I’m not getting involved. I’m talking about Chase. Are you going to have a baby with him?”

I turned back to her and started laughing. She wasn’t even breaking a smile. “Wait, you’re serious?”

She shrugged. “Why not?”

“Why not?Perry, we’re not talking about adopting a puppy. What the hell’s the matter with you?”

“I know how big of a deal this is.” She rolled her eyes. “But you two were made for each other. If it’s going to be with anyone, it should be with him.”

“Why would it even be with anyone?”

My chest was tightening again. Not as bad as when I was talking to Chase about it, but enough to notice and want to do some deep breathing exercises. No scratch that—it sounded too much like Lamaze.

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