Page 44 of Lyrical

“Sick. But happy, I guess.”

“You guess?”

He stuck his hands in his pockets. “She wanted this, to start a family before it was too late. But… I just don’t know if I can do it again.” I hit him as hard as I could on the arm, and he stumbled back. It felt good. “What the hell, Jillian?”

“No, Mike. What the hell is the matter with you? You don’t think you can do it? Too bad. Fucking deal with it.” I was far from going all fangirl over Candace, but she deserved better than this shit.

“You don’t understand. I think she tricked me.”

“You know what? I don’t care. If she did, I agree that’s messed up, but it was your choice to go back to her and give her hope. You knew she wanted marriage and family. Regardless if you’re ready or not, you need to take responsibility and be there for her and the baby. Wouldn’t you expect Daniel to man up and do the same if….”

My mouth filled with vile-tasting liquid. The thought of Daniel ever getting Cassie pregnant…No. Just no.

“Jillian?” He waved his hand in front of my face. “You look a little pale.”

“Yeah.” I needed to rinse out my mouth. “I should get back inside. When are you going to tell Daniel?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t wait too long.” I turned to go up, making it two whole steps.

“Jillian?” I paused. “What if you mentioned something, broke the news to him first?”

I faced him. “You make it sound like you’re dying. This is supposed to be a good thing. You’re in a better position now to be a father than when Daniel was young. Your practice is established, and you have more time to be involved in this child’s life. Don’t fuck it up, Mike, just because you’re scared. And no, I’m not telling Daniel. You should be the one to do that, and when you do, be conscious of how you do it. He may not be a kid anymore, but you can still set an example.”

A band of nausea rolled over me, causing that sickening sensation again. I made it to the front door, and Mike didn’t call out a second time. Hopefully, the message had sunk in. It was okay to be scared; it wasn’t okay to use that as an excuse to be a dick.

I went inside, noting the quiet house. I’d gone down all three items on my to-do list and wasn’t sure if I’d accomplished any of them yet. I tacked on a fourth:

Do everything in my power to never have this same conversation with Daniel.

“Maybe he’s gay.”

The four of us were in Wengo’s for quarter-wing night. We tried to make it every Monday, even if it was just for a couple hours. A couple pitchers of beer, a frou-frou drink for Perry, several baskets of wings, and we were all set.

“He’s not gay, Perry.”

“Are you sure?” She took a bite and started flapping her hand frantically over her mouth. “Dammit, you two.” She pushed the basket towards me and Chase, then downed half her drink. “I took one of yours. Now I’m going to get an ulcer and have it on my wedding day. Thanks a lot.”

I laughed. Chase and I had ordered the inferno wings. “You’ll be fine. If you get an ulcer, it won’t be from that.”

“As I was saying, maybe Cassie is just a cover? Yes, she was all over him at the party, but did you see him initiating anything?”

“No, but he looked happy about it.” Ick.

“I never even saw them kiss.”

I leaned back, Chase’s hand resting on my thigh. The conversation had quickly turned to Daniel, and it appeared to be all two-sided. Chase and Stephen were more interested in stuffing their faces.

“He’s not gay,” I said for the second time. “But it’d be so much easier if he were.” Honestly. I’d much rather deal with other men hanging around than women. Anyone could end up being a jerk, but at least I wouldn’t have to worry about unplanned pregnancies.

“Well, something sneaky’s going on.”

“I agree, but I think it’s on Cassie’s part.”

“Me too, but….”

“But what?”

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