Page 129 of Lyrical

“You got it, baby. Perry, anything for you?”

“No, thanks.”

Chase left for the kitchen and I plastered my eyes on her. “What?” she asked.

“You know what. I don’t understand how you can even get horny right now.”

She shrugged. “I guess you were right, Perry. A man who wants to love me forever and have a baby with me? Pretty damn hot.”

“Yeah.” I sighed and Jills came over, sitting down beside me. “Don’t you need to perch by the door and wait for the kids?”

“I’ll hear the bell.”

She pulled me down and I rested my head in her lap. “God, Jills. I suck. Big, fat, hairy gorilla balls. I’ve been so horrible lately. How do you put up with me? By the way, since we’re on the subject of me being horrible, I’m sorry again for the way I treated you when we first met.”

What made me even think about that? God, my emotions were all over the freaking place.

She laughed, playing with my hair. “I think I forgave you, oh, seven years ago. And you’re not horrible, Perry. You’re the best friend and family I could ever ask for.”

“I’m bitchy and crabby and batshit and….” I couldn’t finish. Masochist wasn’t on my list.

“No, you’re sweet and loyal and crazy in the best way. When you care about someone, you’re devoted a hundred and ten percent. Your heart never wavers from its spot. I’m lucky to have you.” She slid a bunch of my strands through her fingers. “And I think your hair’s become even more gorgeous, if that’s possible.”

I smiled. Okay, if I had to acknowledge something that’d improved during the past months, it’d be my hair. I didn’t have to do a damn thing with it, and it looked like I had a team of stylists following me around all day.

“I know how much you miss Stephen. It’s okay to feel down about it. I know I’d get a little grumpy too if Chase were gone so long.”

A little grumpy? God, she was too fucking nice. I was more like Preggozilla.

“I do miss him, Jills. So damn much.” He was in Oakland for business, helping to open a new data center there. It’d already been two weeks, and we weren’t sure exactly how much longer he’d be gone. After a week, I’d moved in with Jills and Chase. I needed my family.

Chase returned with her tea, the scent of cinnamon hitting me hard. It sounded good if it also had a roll attached to it slathered in frosting. He set it on the table in front of her.

“I’ll take care of the door for now,” he said. “Linda told me she’s bringing Hazelnut around later too.”

“Thank you,” Jills said. I flicked my eyes up to see him kissing the top of her head before going outside with the candy bowl.

“I know it might sound silly and selfish, but I don’t want Stephen gone even a day. I want him with me for this entire thing.”

“It doesn’t sound silly or selfish, Perry. Of course you want him with you. I’m sure it won’t be much longer now.”

“I hope not,” I said softly as she braided my hair. I curled my arms around my belly, feeling my eyelids droop.

Contraceptive failure.

Yeah, it’d been a fucking shock. It wasn’t clear if the pill had failed first and then I got sick, or if I got sick and that caused the pill failure. Chicken or the egg. Unlike Jills, I couldn’t pinpoint the big moment to the exact millisecond. I had to be satisfied with approximately. But whatever. The how and when wasn’t important. Not to the overall picture. Because all was healthy and well. Despite my mood and my muumuus, I was so excited to be starting our own little family. Stephen had been ecstatic to hear the news. We’d both wanted kids eventually; it just happened sooner than expected. All the positives were what truly mattered.

I didn’t even care that I was either sleeping or puking on my wedding day. It still exceeded every beautiful dream of mine because I’d married the man in them. That day will forever go down as my favorite because Stephen became my husband. But fuck if I didn’t make damn sure that I’d cried. It was going to happen even if I had to stick pins in my eyes. Because crying on your wedding day meant you’d never shed any more tears in your marriage. At least not sad ones. That wasn’t superstition. It was fact.

“I love you, Jills. And believe it or not, I really am happy that we’re going through this together.”

“Me too, Perry, and I believe you.” Her legs started bouncing, along with my head. “Ooh, what do you think our babies’ first Halloween costumes will be?”

I laughed. “I don’t know, but I’m sure they’ll be awesome.” I was feeling better already.

Another couple hours passed, in which I tried my damndest to remain in costume by staying lumped on the couch, but Jills kept forcing me up every time a new trick-or-treater came to the door. Apparently, every kid was the best and a must-see. I already had my favorite: Hazel. She’d come as a punk rocker chick complete with pink spiky hair and platform boots that I would’ve snatched if my feet weren’t so frickin’ wide.

I stole a moment away while Chase was in the kitchen making us dinner and Jills was taking candy inventory. I picked up my phone, ready to send off a text to my husband.

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