Page 123 of Lyrical

“Jillian.” I palmed the back of her head, stroking her hair as she pressed into me. I needed her fully there with me, or I’d sail off as well. We needed to anchor each other, or I’d fucking start crying along with her.

“You trusted me, Chase. With everything in you. You trusted me to know my body enough to know when it was safe. What if you hadn’t wanted a baby? What if—”

“No,” I said. Fuck no. She was not going there. I couldn’t hold her hard enough, but I didn’t want to hurt her. Hurt the baby. Holy fuck, my world was spinning. “There are no what-ifs. There is only fucking amazing. There is only right now, and we want this. I want this. Oh fuck, Jillian. Tell me you want this too.”

It hadn’t even crossed my mind until that instant. Her off mood all day. Was she having doubts? Second thoughts? I had never felt so high and out of control.

“I still want a baby. It’s just the timing. It happened so fast. I wasn’t prepared. We never discussed it properly. We never sat down for that serious conversation to plan it all out.”

I started to laugh.Thank fuck.

She pulled her head back. “How is this funny?”

“It’s not funny. Those are happy laughs, baby.” I gave her a dozen kisses all over her face. “You can’t always plan everything. Sometimes things just happen, but they turn out to be the best thing you could ever imagine.”

Holy fuck.

It really hit me then.Jillian is having my child. At least she believed so. I was in such a rush I couldn’t think straight. I wanted it so badly. I had to know. I had to know that very moment.

“We have to take that test, Jillian.”

“I know. We will soon.”

“No, I mean now.”

“Now?” She looked at me funny. “Even if we were in an appropriate place, I think it’s still too early yet to get an accurate result.”

“You think, or you know?”

My heart was pounding so hard. My world was still spinning at warp speed, but it was a ride I never wanted to fucking get off.

“I think, but—”

I slipped the ring onto her finger and she glanced down at it. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t answered me yet; that’s where it belonged.

“Then give me a good reason why we shouldn’t,” I said.

I was sure I could find a drugstore somewhere. It didn’t appear that we were needed for any more rehearsal shit. I didn’t even know where Perry and Stephen were. I was riding an extreme buzz; a kid jacked up at Christmastime. I could easily slip out unnoticed, but I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving Jillian—I wouldn’t do it. But it’d also be too reckless to take her with me, considering the fucking crazed trip I was on.

“Chase?” Jillian touched my jaw.

Fuck. I rested my forehead on hers. “Sorry, baby. I lost it there for a minute. I’ve never done this before.”

She laughed. “Me neither.”

“Another first for us.” I cupped her face and looked into her bright blue eyes. Could she see how fucking happy I was?

“Even though the right test could be accurate, it’d be better to wait a few more days, okay?” I nodded. “If we do it now, we could get a false negative. I don’t want to go through that.”

That was when I saw everything I felt reflected back to me. Staring into her eyes was like staring into a mirror. She wanted this child just as much as I did, and she couldn’t handle getting her hopes crushed for even a short while.

I pulled her more deeply into my lap. I needed to focus, remain solid for her. All while feeling as fucking giddy as a schoolgirl.

“What if I’m not pregnant, Chase?” she whispered.

“Then it’ll happen next time.” I ran my fingers over her stomach. “But what do you feel? I trust you, Jillian. In this quiet moment, what is your body telling you?”

She didn’t answer right away. I cradled her in my arms, holding her as much for me as for her. It kept me grounded. I was flying so high, never having experienced anything so surreal. We’d have to wait for official confirmation, but I already knew the answer in my gut. It’d all happened sooner than expected, but bring it on. I was ready.

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