Page 54 of Volatile

image

image

image

Chapter Fifteen

image

“Her name is Julia.”

Ivy paused mid-inhale, afraid to finish. She hadn’t known what to expect when she accepted Jonathan’s offer to spend the night, but it certainly wasn’t this.

“The last time I saw her was nine months ago when she walked out my door. And I deserved it, every bit of it.”

The painting. He was talking about the woman in the painting. After badgering him, he was finally opening up on his own. But now she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. The past several hours had changed her. She felt different but couldn’t pinpoint how.

She’d lain beside him, and he’d kept his promise of nothing more. Her body had settled down to a pleasant buzz, and he acted as if his erection didn’t exist. If he could remain in control of himself, she could do the same.

But now... now he was volunteering information she feared would break her.

“I thought we were perfect for each other. She was everything I wanted, and I thought I had her. But I didn’t, not all of her. I don’t have many regrets in my life, but she’s the biggest one I’ll never forget.”

Oh shit, what does this all mean? It can’t be good. Does he still love her? And if she’s perfect for him and I’m her opposite, where the hell does that leave me?

She wanted to plug her ears. La la la, can’t hear you. Forget acting like a mature adult. No. Stop it, Lily. She could handle this. Speak? Don’t speak? She decided not to say a word. It would either encourage or discourage him from telling her more. Either way, she’d just go with it. Unless he said he still loved that Julia woman. Then she’d have to storm out and not even think about crying until she was far, far away.

“I’ve never allowed myself to care for another since. Until you.” He fingered her hair and it tickled her back, but she didn’t move a muscle.

“Ivy?” he said softly. “Are you awake?”

So much for keeping silent. “Why are you telling me this?”

He tilted up her chin so she’d look at him. She wanted those dark eyes to see only her, but what would happen if Julia walked back through his door tomorrow? Would imperfect her get kicked out with the trash?

“I wasn’t planning on saying anything, but I care about you, Ivy. And I thought it was something you wanted to know. You’ve been asking me often enough.”

Yeah, lucky her, getting her way. Her head was bubbling up, ready to burst. He said he cared, but what about love? Why was she even thinking about that? It was much too soon. Besides, she didn’t love him, so why should she be expecting it back? Right?

“I care about you too,” she whispered. At least she could settle on that. “But to be honest, I don’t know if I want to hear about her anymore.”

“Honesty is good. I’d like more of that,” he said, touching her bottom lip. She had the urge to take his finger into her mouth and suck. Either that or bite it off. Her emotions were flip-flopping all over the place.

“How would you feel if I told you about a man who was my everything, my biggest regret being us ending, someone I couldn’t forget because I’d screwed it all up?”

“I’d feel like I was sucker-punched, but that’s not what I said. I have regrets, yes, but it’s not from losing a woman who was never mine to begin with. My regrets lie with how I treated her, the way I used her. I never expected to develop feelings for her, and in the end, I was the one hurt, not her. That’s one thing I can be thankful for.”

Did she want to know details? No. No, she didn’t. Ivy was still positive that she’d seen her before, but the name didn’t ring any bells.

“I didn’t tell you about her at first because there wasn’t any reason to. But later... I didn’t want to dredge up the memories I’m least proud of and share them with you. I’m an honorable man, Ivy, but with Julia, I acted in dishonorable ways, and it nearly destroyed me.”

“Did you hurt her, physically?”

“No, nothing like that, but I fucked with her mind. That was bad enough. Maybe worse. I manipulated her into needing me so I could get back at someone who’d wronged me.”

Yeah, that was not cool. “Are you telling me this to push me away?”

---