Page 18 of If Everything Was Easy

I laughed. “You forgot athletic.”

“He really is blind if he doesn’t see that.” She rolled her eyes.. “I’m heading to the store. Do you want anything?” She rocked on her heels.

“No, just maybe a little courage,” I mumbled.

“You play in front of thousands and don’t flinch. Carter should be a piece of cake.”

“That’s different.” I flopped back on the bed.

“Call me if you need anything, and have fun,” she stressed.

“Yeah, fun,” I muttered.

I paced the living room as I waited for him to arrive, and right on time he pulled into the parking lot. It was a nice day. Cool with a light breeze in the air. I’d dressed in a sweater and jeans. I watched from the window as he climbed from the car. His hair was still damp from a shower, and the Henley he was wearing was snug on his chest and arms.

I watched until he disappeared into the stairwell. When I heard the knock, I jumped. “Here goes nothing,” I whispered to myself as I opened the door.

“Hey.” He kicked at the ground with his boot. “You ready?” His head was bent down, and he peered through his wet hair where it was hanging partially over his eyes. He seemed nervous almost.

“Let me grab my purse.” I motioned as I turned around to rush into the kitchen. I took a moment to gather myself. He looked delicious and being around him all day might be harder than I thought. “Ready.” I spun and grinned.

“Your chariot awaits.” He smiled and offered his arm as if he was going to escort me down the steps.

“Do guys still do this?” I laughed as I linked my arm with his.

“This guy was taught by his mother to always help a lady.”

“Sounds like a smart woman.” We walked side by side down to his car.

“She was.” His voice suddenly took on a melancholy tone. “She died last year. Breast cancer.”

I stumbled to a stop. “I’m sorry.” I swallowed. My brain was going in a million directions. Should I tell him? Was it too soon? Did it even matter?

“What’s wrong?” He stopped and faced me as we reached the car.

“Nothing.” I tried to brush it away. This was supposed to be a fun, low-key day and I was making it so much more.

“I know it’s not nothing. We’re supposed to be friends. What’s wrong?” His hands gently grabbed my arms, holding me in place. His knees bent so we were eye level with each other. His smile softened. “Talk to me.”

I took a deep breath and swallowed. This was not how I wanted to start this non-date. “My mom’s dead, too. She had Leukemia. She died when I was just a month old.” I forced the words out. “Can we go now?”

His eyes flashed and then I saw it… the pity that always comes when I share my story. “I’m sorry.” His eyes softened.

“I know. Everybody is,” I muttered as I looked away. “Can we go?” I wanted to move on. I wanted to get away from this weird moment and pretend that the universe wasn’t working against me.

Carter backed up and released me, then opened the door. As I climbed in, I glanced up at the sky. It was a clear day and the sun was bright. Once Carter closed the door, I whispered, “I hope you two got a good laugh.” I was imagining our moms sitting together talking about us. Wondering when we’d finally get together, why we were so blind, and happy that we found out we shared a common experience.

When he climbed in, Carter cranked the engine and apologized at the same time. “I didn’t mean to make this day heavy. We don’t have to talk about anything that you don’t want to.”

“It’s ok.” I stared out the window. “I’m sorry you lost your mom.”

“Thanks. I’m sorry you never knew yours.” He patted my knee, and then pulled into traffic.

We drove in silence down the highway. I wondered if the conversation was going to be this hard all day today. Should I have just kept my mouth shut? Did he really not know about my past? Everyone at school knew who my mom was, and that she was dead. Was Carter living under a rock? Confusion, frustration, and curiosity swirled inside me, building to a point that I almost exploded. I didn’t want to be mad at him, but I think being angry helped push away the desire for something more. I was a walking contradiction today. I didn’t know if I wanted a hug, a kiss, or to be left alone. The only thing I did know was that I wanted it from Carter. He was the one to offer solace, and every bit of my being wanted him in ways that I shouldn’t.

Chapter 13

Carter

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