Page 31 of Trusting You

“It sounded like you said he told you he loved you,” she waited as if I’d correct her.

“I did.”

“And?” she pressed.

“And nothing,” I shrugged.

“What do you mean, nothing? I thought you liked him too?” she glanced at me.

“I do, but I can’t love him,” I wiped at my eyes as I felt them well.

“Why?”

“You wouldn’t understand. I just can’t. I needed to leave to get away from him. Staying was only going to make it worse. I should have never come in the first place,” I chastised myself.

“What are you talking about? I saw you yesterday when you were getting ready for that date. You were happy. You were the happiest I’ve ever seen you. What changed since then?”

“He told me he loved me,” I swallowed as I got ready to divulge the rest. I’d never been one to kiss and tell, “right after I slept with him.”

“Whoa! What?” Emma’s head snapped back like I’d slapped her.

“We had a great night, and then we went back to his place, and it just kinda happened,” I murmured. “I kinda made it happen.”

“What are you so afraid of?” Emma whispered. I couldn’t tell if she was talking to me or herself.

“More than I can tell you,” I sighed as I went back to staring out the window. The truth was, I couldn’t tell her what she wanted to know, just like I couldn’t tell Aaron that I loved him. This whole thing was a mess, and the quicker I moved on and pretended it never happened, the better we’d all be.

We hit the state line before my phone started blowing up. I knew when Aaron woke up and found me gone, he’d start calling. The calls came every few minutes at first, then the texts started. When I didn’t answer him, he began calling Emma. After three hours into the drive, I let her answer him. I made her swear to not tell him anything I’d said, and after a few choice words from him, he finally let it go.

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Emma sighed. “I don’t think he’s going to fight anymore. I think you’ve finally pushed him so hard that he’s going to give up.”

“That what he needs to do,” I mumbled as I leaned against the window and closed my eyes, effectively ending the conversation. I needed to him to stop trying so hard. I needed him to move on. Last night was amazing. Being with Aaron was better than I ever thought it could be. It would be a memory that I would always treasure, but it had to be just that… a memory. Anything more, and I wouldn’t survive the fallout that was inevitably going to happen. My past would blow us up, he just didn’t know it yet.

Chapter 14

Aaron

“Do you plan on going to class today?” Brandon’s voice grated on my nerves, causing me to pull the pillow over my head harder.

“Fuck off!” I howled as my head began pounding. Maybe that whiskey I drank last night wasn’t the best idea after all.

“She ain’t worth this, bro,” I grumbled as I felt the bed shift like he’d kneed it before I heard my door click shut.

Brandon didn’t realize it yet, but she was worth it. Mel was worth it, but I don’t think she knew it. I still haven’t figured out what went wrong. We had a great week together. Things seemed to be going great. When she came back here with me that night, I couldn’t believe the way it ended. I never thought she’d sleep with me, let alone be the one to initiate it. We molded together like we were meant for one another. The way her body submitted to mine was breathtaking to watch. It seemed like a dream, and now when I look back, I wonder if it was.

I fell asleep last Saturday with a smile on my face, totally in love with the girl beside me. When I woke up a few hours later, it was nightmare. Mel disappeared the way dry sand does when you try to hold it in your hands. She slipped right through my fingers.

I’ve spent the last week trying to figure out what happened. I’ve called no less than twenty times. I’ve called Emma. I even tried stalking her on Facebook. I thought for sure with the way she ran out of here that she would have unfriended me, but she didn’t. She never posts much, and there are very few pictures of her. I know them all though. I’ve memorized her face, and when I lie here in bed, or sit on the beach she’s the face I see.

I’ve been blowing off classes and I guess I should be worried, but I’m not. As long as I pass my finals, I’ll be ok. I’ve talked myself out of going to Eastman so many times I’ve lost count. I want to just show up at the dorms and make her talk to me, but she’s made it clear that she doesn’t want that. Every ambush I’ve done has turned into a fight. Brandon thinks I’m nuts. He sat out on the beach with me last night as I tried to drown my sorrows. He even brought booze for us. I told myself I’d find a woman to lose myself in, but it didn’t work. As soon as the alcohol blurred my vision, they all looked like her.

“Sutter! Get your ass out here!” Brock’s voice boomed from outside the front door. I’d managed to move from the bed to the couch at some point, but wasn’t any better off.

“It’s open, asshole,” I yelled back.

The door slowly opened, and Brock peered around it like he was afraid of what he might see. He was dressed in his coaching attire, complete with his whistle still hanging around his neck. “What the fuck is going on? You look like shit,” he shook his head in disgust at me.

“Go away,” I swatted the air as I turned back to continue staring at whatever rerun was currently on TV. I’d been sitting on the couch since midday, munching on snack food.

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