Page 54 of Crown of Wrath

The little girl talks so fast I can’t believe she manages to say everything in a single breath. It doesn’t seem to bother her, though, at least not any more than being attacked and knocked out of a tree by a raccoon. The smile that is etched across her face is just as deep and bright as ever.

“Raccoons aren’t very good pets,” Da says slowly as he thinks of a good reason to deny his daughter a pet. “They tend to run off. And what if that raccoon has babies hidden somewhere? They’ll starve to death.”

The little girl narrows her eyes at Da and then glances at Vesta. “We could catch a boy. They don’t have babies. Vesta told me about how boys don’t raise babies. Only girls. So we can catch a boy and feed it good food. Then it won’t have any reason to run away.”

Da smiles at the little girl and says, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Little Star. Raccoons can be mean. You may not mind if they attack you, but I don’t think I’d heal as fast as you if your pet raccoon attacked me to steal my dinner.”

The little girl gets a thoughtful expression on her face and nods slowly. “You’re right. Da. You are so smart. Did you know that? You can see bad things before they happen.” A thoughtful look crosses her face, and she says, “Or can you see the future like Calyr the Gold in Vesta’s stories? Are you a dragon, Da?”

Da laughs out loud. It’s a full-bellied laugh that only children can cause. “If either of us is a dragon, it’s you, Little Star. Sometimes I wondered if your mother was a dragon. She always knew the right thing to do. You’re just like her. Didyouknow that?”

She frowns and takes the two steps toward Da before pushing herself onto his lap, and he begins to tell her about her mother.

It’s a good memory. It’s another piece of the puzzle that is my history. There are so many memories just like this, full of happiness and laughter. There’s still this terrible ache in my chest from the loss of so many people recently, but there’s so much that isn’t terrible as well. Rebuilding my mind, one piece at a time, has let me see that there are reasons to be happy. There are reasons to survive.

Just like the Shade said.But if you… give up, if you disappear, then you’ll never know what else there is waiting for you.Looking back on all these memories, I had a chance to experience all the good in my life. There were so many moments of laughter amidst the tears, so many smiles amidst the pain.

I look around me for a moment and have to admit that the world is so much more beautiful now. A full quarter of the trees have been regrown. The sun is less bright now. Hidden under some of the trees, I’ve begun to see shadows.

This world is coming back to life. The carved wooden effigy closes her eyes as I remember something far more important than many of these memories.

The Shade told me he would be there when I finished. I can still remember the tingling that I felt when he caressed the trees with shadows and nails. I can still remember the way his voice sang to me and pulled me out of the pain that I’d let myself be overcome by.

As soon as I fix this place, I can see him again. I’ll be able to touch him. He’ll rake those nails over my skin and show meexactlywhat he can do with those shadows. I smile, and the effigy brings the flame to the next tree.

“Your mother is one of the Fae,” Da’s voice says as a new memory flashes through my mind. The little girl is eight in this memory.

Instinctively, pain rushes through me, and I remind myself that this happened in the past. Something about this memory is worse than most of them.

“No, she wasn’t. If she’s Fae, then that would make me…” The little girl refuses to say the last word, but I know what it is.

“You’re a Wyrdling,” Da says, his hand going to hers. “But that’s not a bad thing, Little Star. It’s…”

“No!” the little girl screams and pulls her hand away from his. “No! You’re lying. My Ma was not a dirty Fae. She didn’t steal babies! She didn’t eat people!”

Shadows spin around her, and I notice my mother’s ring lying on the ground. It’s an accident. The shadows that extend beyond her body change ever so slightly, and the scent of death fills the air.

“Maeve,” Da says slowly, his eyes on the shadows that are moving around the little girl. “Try to calm down. What does Vesta say about emotions?”

The look on the little girl’s face is anything but controlled, but she’s just a little girl. She never learned the repercussions for her emotions because she’s always worn that ring. There’s also the fact that Immortals with House of Shadows bloodlines have stronger revulsion emotions. An accident, a bloodline’s effects, and a child’s immaturity. They are the things at fault here.

“You shouldn’t lie!” she shouts at her Da, and the shadows move so quickly it shocks me. They sweep over him in a single movement, and then he’s gone.

The little girl looks at where her Da was. She didn’t mean to hurt him. She didn’t know that anything bad was going to happen. The disgust that rose inside her was instinctual because of the things that the children in the village said about her. It was an accident.

But her Da’s gone now because of that accident. Then Vesta’s there, appearing like the wind crystalizing into a human shape. I can see what she does now.

There’s no way that Vesta could have known that Da was hidden and safe in the void. There’s no way that she could have saved him, even if she knew how. The little girl wasn’t strong enough or controlled enough to shadow walk, and Vesta couldn’t. No one could have saved the little girl’s Da—my Da.

Vesta did the only thing she could think. She took away the pain. She fixed it. The little girl cried, but she didn’t understand why. She mourned the pain in her chest, but she didn’t have words or reasons for the anguish that coursed through her.

Vesta kept her from having to live with the knowledge that she killed him. She never would have gotten over that in three days. She did what she could do, and it was the right decision in a terrible predicament.

There’s no blame for any of this. Da was trying to tell her the truth. Vesta was trying to protect her. And she… she was just a child.

I feel the pain that this memory should bring, but instead of just pain, I feel a flash of clarity that I know is new. I’d blamed myself for my Da being lost to the void. I’d blamed Vesta for manipulating me. I’d blamed my mother for not protecting me.

But there’s no one to blame. Everyone did the best they could with the terrible situation, and while it was a tragedy, sometimes bad things just happen, and there’s nothing anyone could do to stop them.

---