Page 130 of Crown of Wrath

I can’t believe that I’ll never see him again. I’ll never kiss those beautiful lips. I’ll never feel the warmth of his body against mine. We’ve had so little time, and all of it was so filled with worry. We never had our time together to just be happy. Everyone else gets their happily ever after, but my happily ever after is about to be burned on a pyre.

“I should have run away with you. I should have let the world die. I know that there’s nothing I can do about it now, but if I could do it all over again, I’d let everyone die to save you, Cole.”

I don’t know why, but it seems wrong to say that even though it’s true. I feel like a whisper on the wind is begging me to be happy, to be thankful for his sacrifice.

“No,” I snarl. “I’ll never be happy you’re gone. No matter what everyone else gained, I’d rather have had you.”

The wind doesn’t respond. I don’t hear his voice any longer. Another wave of agony rolls through me, and tears finally begin to fall from my cheeks, splashing over the red linen he’s been wrapped in.

“I love you,” I whisper, trying my best to remember his face, including the smile that still hasn’t left it. I press my lips to his one last time, but there’s no heat there. He’s gone to wait for me at the edge of the void. This body is no more a part of him than the red gambeson he wore so often.

It’s time.

I take one more look at the body of the man that became my world and turn around. A thousand eyes are on me as I climb the ladder down from the top of the funeral pyre for the Prince of Flames. I walk the fifty feet to where Casimir stands. He holds a pitch covered torch, and in an instant, it comes alive with flames.

Every person who mattered to Cole is watching. Darian and Lee. Casimir. Nevan. Sia. Bog and Rivertail and Lirael and all therest of Aerwyn. Rhion. Echo and the rest of the shadow walkers. Mari and all the rest of the forgotten people from Draenyth he helped, expecting nothing in return.

Those were the people that mattered tohim, but he meant something to so many more. The rest of the salamanders. The drakelings that hover just outside the crowd, their massive bodies sitting on stone buildings. The humans that admired him. The general populace that now knows he’s the reason they’ll be able to have children again. There are hundreds of funeral pyres tonight, but it will forever be known as the night that Cole Cyrus, the savior of Nyth, burned for the last time.

All those people are silent now. Minutes ago, they might have been ready to get back to their drinking and celebrating, but right now, they remember why they left the taverns to see this. I lay the torch against the line of pitch that runs up and around the pyre, and it catches instantly. I hesitate for a moment, embracing the heat again, and I know deep down that this will be the last time that I feel that heat. No fire will ever feel like this again.

The flames grow in size and strength until they singe the dress I wear. Even then, I don’t pull away. I want the fire to take me with it. I want to feel it consume me. The ladder back to the top of the pyre calls to me, and everything in me wants to climb it even as the flames consume it. I want to lie down beside my husband and hold his hand as we’re both taken to the void.

The tally mark on my wrist burns. The scent of his magic fills the air, overshadowing even the burning pine. Spiced amber. The scent that I clung to from the very beginning. It’s him.

The burn on my wrist reminds me of my debt. It reminds me of the burn of his flames like I felt so many times while we trained.

I pull away from the pyre and remind myself that he’s not completely gone. He still lingers in that tally mark. He’s still apart of me, and I swore I would stay strong long enough to see Nyth fixed.

So I smile as I stand next to Casimir and watch his son’s body burned. He doesn’t say a word, but I can see the smile and the tears on his cheeks that match mine. Not so long ago, I thought he was a monster. I thought there wasn’t anyone in the world that I wanted to hurt more than him. I was wrong.

He made mistakes, but so have we all. I hurt Cole more than Casimir ever did, and he forgave me. “I can’t believe he’s gone,” he whispers as the smoke curls up high into the night sky.

“Me neither. But he is.” It’s a truth that I can’t believe I’m saying.

There’s a silence in the air even as the bonfire in front of us roars. It’s fitting. That was Cole when I met him, after all. All flames and no talk. He was nearly silent for weeks when we were walking to Draenyth. Every word was carefully measured before he said it.

We learned to live in the gap between the words. We learned to enjoy that silence together. And tonight, I watch the fire as he did so many times without saying anything. Casimir and I stand together as the flames consume the best person either of us has ever known.

The rest of the crowd slowly walk away, going back to their parties. They give their respects and thanks, and they leave the fire. They forget the dead that sacrificed for them and go back to the living that they want to spend time with.

Until there are only a few dozen of us left. The ones that Cole cared about. Even Rhion is there. We huddle together, none of us wanting to talk and none of us actively looking for anyone else. But we need to know that there are other people like us, other people that can’t forget the man who changed us all. The man who gave everything for us.

The pyre collapses, spraying embers everywhere, and none of us tries to protect ourselves. The burns on our clothing and skin are just a painful reminder of the Prince of Flames. I relish the pain of those embers just as I would give anything to feel his flames on my body one more time.

None of us are crying anymore, but we remain.

And then Sia touches my shoulder.In his last moments, Cole asked me to show you something. Would you like to see it?

I turn to her, and the wall of emotions breaks inside me. I’d held back everything for hours as I gave myself to watching the flames burn. I knew I would mourn him later, but this wasn’t about that. This was about remembering the man he was rather than living with the pain he left behind.

“Please,” I whisper as the tears flow again.

She smiles, and I can see the salty trails that run down her cheek as well. Then everything is gone. The pyre. The city. The people. Sia’s brought me to a vision, and I know it.

It’s the day that he trained me with the spear for the first time. He broke so many of my bones that day. I stand on the sand a few feet away from an image of him and an image of myself, weaker, with no shadows leaking from my body. The Forgotten Ring is still on my finger. Cole looks less exhausted.

The sand of the training grounds is on everything. It climbs my legs and clings to the spear where my sweaty hands have left it damp. And Cole is smiling.

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