Page 14 of Crown of Wrath

I didn’t know she was breaking this much. At first, I’d really thought that she just felt more comfortable looking at me while I was wearing the cloak. Now, though, it feels like her mind is fragmenting. Like her inner landscape is breaking.

I’ve heard of Immortals’ minds and souls shattering from intense trauma. Experiencing their spouse’s death or rape are the two examples that come to mind. Maeve hasn’t actually shattered yet, but she’s close. Her mind and soul are fragile. Losing Hazel was close to losing a spouse. She was the only person who Maeve ever cared about.

“I’m tired, my Queen,” I say. “And I do not know where I stand with you.” I tell her the truth. I swore to myself that I’d never manipulate her again, and I won’t back out of that promise to either of us.

She cocks her head, confusion on her face. “You don’t know where you stand? You’ve sworn yourself to me, Shade. But you…” She smiles and lifts her wrist. “I still owe you a debt.”

What a strange idea. I’m silent for a few moments as she stares into the darkness under my hood. What could I require of her? She’s my Queen. My life is hers to do with as she wishes; so how could I ever force her to do anything?

A shiver runs through her body, so strong it’s visible, and the shadows trailing from her fingertips multiply in strength and number. “Did you enjoy collecting debts, Shade?” she asks. “Didyou like being able to force people to do what you wanted? I remember the way you forced me to want you. The way you tricked me and manipulated my body to be so desperate for you.”

The darkness thickens even more, but I don’t think she even realizes it. Her mind is so focused on the past, on what I can only assume are memories of us together. “You played my body against me,” she whispers. “And I liked it. I dreamed of it. I would wake up terrified my shadows would give me away because I was so desperate for you. Your nails against my skin and your shadows… everywhere. For a long while, you wouldn’t have needed to force me. You could have simply asked, and you could have had anything you wanted.”

I remember those moments. I was desperate for her as well. My shadows have never been stronger than those days when I was teaching Maeve to use her powers. I’d wanted her in ways that went against every grain of logic.

I lift my hand and the shadows encircling her body solidify just enough to intensify the feelings she’s experiencing, and she gasps again. I can feel every inch of her through them. The softness of her skin. The outline of her muscles as she tenses her body. The dampness between her legs that’snotcoming from my shadows.

That’s when she looks down at her hand and notices the darkness flowing from her fingertips. A look of confusion crosses her face. “I didn’t think this was possible anymore,” she mutters.

“You simply need to desire,” I whisper, moving closer to her, and she looks up at me. My fingers move to her cheek, my nails slowly scraping over her skin as they did in the past. “Once upon a time, I told you that anger and shadows don’t mix. Peace is just as bad for them.”

She leans into my hand. Shadows coat my fingers, not letting my touch ruin anything. I don’t know what is happening, butshe wants the Shade, not Cole. She wants what we had when she didn’t know I was the one who donned the Shadowed Cloak.

So I make sure that I do nothing that will force her to remember.

“I miss this,” she whispers. “Do you remember when you asked if I’d wear a shadowed crown? That day that you showed me how to shadow walk?”

I nod to her. “I remember.”

“I should have said yes. Everything would have worked out so much better if I’d just chosen you instead of Cole.”

There’s so much regret in her voice. There have to be cracks in her mind and soul, but I can’t help her heal them since she won’t let me in. “You’d still be the Queen of Earth.”

“Maybe,” she whispers back.

And then I feel the one thing that I desperately want to ignore: a calling for me over a debt. Darian has found Jasper.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Maeve looks up at me, and the shadows that are flowing from her fingertips disappear. “What’s wrong?”

“They’ve found him. It’s time to interrogate Jasper, and then we can steal Casimir away from Gethin and the House of Steel.”

Maeve pauses for a moment before nodding. “Yes. Take me to Jasper, but Shade?”

“My Queen?” There’s a pause in the air. A soft tension that I am desperate to end.

“I mean it. I should have taken your offer. I wouldn’t feel… I think I could use shadows then.”

I nod to her. “I think you would have as well.” Then she wraps her fingers around mine and nods to me.

“Let’s go.”

Chapter 8

Magic, especially powerful magic, changes a person. There are few times in history that we see this happen other than the changing of Conduits. Every time, the influx of that much more power alters the bearer forever. My own experiences were far more drastic than any other Conduit for obvious reasons.

~Maeve Arden, The Future of Magic and Dragons

Maeve

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