Page 118 of Crown of Wrath

There is a difference between breathing and living, and sometimes I think we forget that. Immortals can breathe forever, but if they are not free to do as they please, do they ever live? Sia was one of those that couldn’t remember the last time she’d lived.

~Cole Cyrus, A History of Flames

Maeve

Yesterday, I’d lived. I’d danced. I’d laughed. Cole and I had spent the entire day alone, enjoying every bit of the splendor of sharing a soul and being connected in a way that I’d never understood.

Yet, as with all things, the sun always rises, and today’s dawn brings a day that will forever be known for death. Whose exactly it will be is still unknown, but there will be enough death that even Lysara will have her fill.

“Are the wards gone?” I ask my mother as I stand beside her and face what looks like a wall of mist.

“Close. The drakelings have fed more than I’d imagined possible with only four of them. I’ll break through soon.”

I nod. “And no problems from the humans?”

“They’ve spent most of the time muttering about Fae magic and trying very hard not to be seen outside their tents. You were right. They have not hurt anyone while in Valinar.”

I nod again and am silent for a long time as my mother stares into the mist, seeing far more than I can. “Can we win against Gethin? Casimir doesn’t believe he’s killable.”

“Everyone can die, Maeve. Everyone.”

“And if he has the Steel Gauntlet?” I ask.

She’s quiet for a moment. “You’d have to remove it, most likely.” She doesn’t turn to me, her gaze still peering through the mist of her realm. “I wish I could be there instead of you, Maeve. I wish Echo was older and more experienced. I wish that there was a way for someone other than you to deal with him.”

“But there isn’t,” I say. “This was how it was all supposed to play out, Mother. You set this into motion, and like I told Cole, I forgive you for putting it on me. You weren’t wrong in trusting me, even if you were an idiot for trusting an infant with saving the world.”

At that comment, her lip turns up. “I may have a touch of arrogance. From what I’ve heard, you might have some as well…”

“I have a history of ignorance that is quickly and efficiently smashed to bits when I make terrible decisions.”

My mother chuckles, and I just stand beside her. We haven’t had very much time together, and I feel like I barely know her. She’s the one who set everything in motion. You can say a lot of things about her, but she’s probably the cleverest woman I’ve ever met.

“Don’t die,” she says softly. “I’ve wanted to get to know you all these years, Little Star. When Calyr created Valinar for me, I knew I couldn’t watch over you like I’d hoped I would. I knew I couldn’t shadow walk to that little cottage in Blackgrove and see you and your Da. I had to be patient, and in any other instance, I would have been happy to bide my time, but your Da had rubbed off on me. I wanted my little girl. Now you’re here. I’ve seen the wonderful woman you’ve become, and you’re about to dash headlong into the most dangerous situation I could imagine.”

“I’ll do my best. You know as well as I do I can’t promise anything.” I may have spent yesterday living, but I also came to terms with the possibility of my mortality.

She smiles then and turns away from the mist to face me. She’s beautiful, even though she’s slightly transparent. Like an artist had drawn her, and then smudged all her edges, the mist that makes up her body is never completely contained. It leaks and rejoins the mist around us constantly.

Except her eyes, which seem to glow with power unlike anything else here or in Nyth. Even when Cole’s eyes are alight with fire, it’s nothing compared to the light that flows from my mother’s. Maybe it’s because she isn’t just Immortal here. She’s the goddess of Valinar, capable of literally reshaping this world.

“You have my blood running in your veins, and if there is anything that I am good at, it is doing that which sounds impossible. I will not believe that you will die today. I cannot believe that you willlosetoday.”

All I can do is smile at my mother, and then I reach out. I’d punched my mother the first time I saw her as an adult. I won’t let that be the last time I touch her. I wrap my arms around her. Even though her body looks to be made of mist, it’s solid enough for my embrace. Even if my arms sink into her ever so slightly.

“Thank you for your sacrifices, Ma. I didn’t understand them for a long time, but I do now. Thank you for what you did. Thankyou for being strong when no one else was. I know how hard that is. Thank you for everything. I don’t think anyone else will ever understand it as well as I do.”

And I see something that looks… odd. Tears appear in those shining, light-filled eyes. “I… Thank you. I…” The tears don’t pour forth like a child who had lost a dear pet or even like I’d cried when I’d pulled Da from the void. They’re slow. Soft. Inexperienced. A part of me knows that my mother has probably cried fewer times than I have. “Thank you,” she says again.

And that’s enough. I pull her tight against me and show her I know what she’s trying to say. My embrace says all the things that need to be said.

Then I pull away. She’s not like Da. We don’t know each other, and while I feel a connection to her, this is all I have to give her. Acceptance that she made sacrifices. Forgiveness. But I can’t say that I have a love for the woman who abandoned me as an infant. “I’m going to make sure the humans and shadow walkers are ready. Let us know when the wards are down.”

She nods and turns back to the boundary between Valinar and Nyth, and I leave her to watch.

“I’m not worried about you at all,” Da says with a grin. “You’re your mother’s daughter, and I know you’re strong enough to do whatever has to be done.”

I wish I had the same confidence. “I love you,” I say and give him a tight hug. “Stay safe in Valinar, Da. No matter what, okay?”

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